vendredi, décembre 01, 2006


Night is a mirror
My soul flew far,
far away.

Creeping echoes of my silence
bathed my memories
of you

My slumber longs to stop
Im awake, Daylight.
I am the same.
All about me

Rainy days delight me. Draws out some emotions in my closet. I like analyzing complications. Mediocrity is for the bored and dull. Simple things make me smile. Nice shoes. Ice cream. Stars. Flowers. the smell of morning grass (without manure). sea shells. pigs.a nice cup of coffee. jelly ace. full moon. foiliage. I get thrilled when im at powerbooks. I fancy having a mansion with a nice lawn and garden. It has a big comfy bench wherein i will spend sunday mornings reading books with someone I love.

Failure and incompetence frustratesme. I overcompensate. I enjoy conversations, both intellectual and stupid ones. I like giving surprises and receiving them as well. Discoveries stimulate me. Sometimes im hyperactive, but boring lectures and heavy meals makes me somnolent. Once, i believed that accidentally ingesting seeds will transform me into a plant. So i ate some dalandan seeds, but nothing happened.

I believe that the most important things are learned through experience, but knowing the recognizable is very essential. I am insensitive, and sensitive and sometimes i realize things to soon or too late. Discipline is an art that i wanna master someday. I like bossa nova. Dishwalla keeps me sane. I like eating ice cream on the roof top while looking at the stars. When my imagination runs dry, i study. I contemplate endlessly.

My entire life is bloggable. I have bad habits that i wanna get rid of. I love my baby brother very much. I wanna travel someday. I collect postcards from coffee bean and tea leaf. i like watching madeleine and art attack. Repetitions bore me.

mardi, novembre 28, 2006

Gone with the Wind

"Its better to have nobody, than to have somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there then suddenly disappears."

I was born into a world that made me believe in the permanence of the fundamental things in life. According to Jean Piaget's stages of cognitive development , the first essential process in attaining functional cognition is the sensorimotor stage, attained from birth to 2 years of life. In this period, we learn how to differentiate ourselves from other objects, and realize that things continue to exist even when they are cannot be perceived by our senses. Clinicians test this developmental stage, by showing an object (eg. ball) to the patient and hides it after wards. Children, who have fully developed this stage, reacts by crying, or looking for the object that was hidden. Those who have problems with cognition or those who have not yet reached the age of maturity (2 years old), will not react in a negative way because they fail to perceive that something is missing.

I am now 24 years old, the golden age of abstract thinking. sameness. distortion. disengagement. I have learned that NOT all things are permanent. Some good things never last. Old habits die hard. People say that the only constant thing in this world is change. I disagree. Constancy is relative to our imagination. Change is too much of a word to comprehend.

I am heartbroken because I am growing old. Gone were the days that nothing else mattered to me, as long as im with my friends, playing, talking, watching tv. Now, I began to have this sense of being incomplete and I really hate it. Why do i have to meet someone who makes me feel whole? Making me believe that the world is mine and he is my world. Why did I ever have to attain that sense of sameness, only to find out after 22 years, that it will break me?

Like what ive said, i search of answers in bleak places.

One has to have something, before he can lose it. You can never lose something you never had. Maybe I had him once. Or i was made to believe that i had him. Whether i had him or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I should learn to let things pass, as if they won't stay long, or as if they won't stay at all.

jeudi, novembre 23, 2006

Salt and Drama.

We search for answers in bleak places.

What defines a good lecture is not the amount of information devulged, its when a lecture makes you remember. My thursday morning consists of the usual, a headstart with a 2-hour lecture, an hour of small group discussion and another hour of workshop. (and of course, cigarette sticks in between) There's nothing really unusal with my morning. I fell asleep in the first 20 mins, woke up up and pretended to listen. As i stared blankly into screen, his animated busy slides kinda reminded me of my med tech days. Sir Rabor lecturing on coupling of a monoiodotyrosine plus diiodotyrosine to form T3. Oh, the ordinary doesn't amaze me.

As my thoughts galloped from the lecture to the most mundane bloggables in life, I suddenly heard him (dr. san luis) say, "We only need a teaspoon of iodine to meet our lifetime requirement". Whoa, that simple statement jolted me back to reality. Even if we only need a teaspoon of iodine to last a lifetime, why are there so many patients with iodine deficiency? Its not scarcity of resources. Its because just like all the other (and more)essentials in life, we can't take it all just once, and remain worry free for a lifetime.

I search for answers in bleak places.

Just like hapiness. We can't just have it all at once, and last a life time not having to worry about it.

mardi, novembre 14, 2006

This is a must-read. :-)

By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz, Ateneo de Manila University

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn't become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.

If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger.

It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.

lundi, novembre 13, 2006

happy birthday to me! happy boitday 2 me! happy boitday happy boitday happy boitday to me hehehehe :) OMG im old. im a 24-year-old single, nulligravida. hehehe :) im spending my bday here at baangs with natalisms, nins, and james. waaaah its pretty hectic. anyways, just wanted to share with you guys that im not really a fan of celebrating my birthday. its more of a yearly evaluation of what happened to me. what changed, what remained, mistakes, and happy moments. i know im so corny but once in awhile we really have to evaluate ourselves.

im so surprised that so many people greeted my 12am :) im so touched coz i wasnt expecting some of my old friends to remember. thanks guys for making this day special. hehehe naks. drama mode.

anyways, its kinda toxic. last minute i found out that we have a report tom for urosurg. waaah! but on the brighter side, at least tapos na! hehehe neurology quiz awhile ago was a killer. i practically slept after i answered it. hehehe. i hope i passed. i slept half the time during ent. it was post prandial. hehehehe. really love sleeping after a full meal. buhay baboy. :)

well well well, tama ba naman magpatugtog ng senti songs dito. naku. im dead. i dont wanna remember. hay. i remember a movie that i really liked, "eternal sunshine on my spotless mind" hay sana meron talagang pangdelete ng memories. ASA. hehehe pero come to think of it, we have a selective memory. we remember those that matters, whether it makes us sad or happy. Roses are for remembering. i love flowers, but i like the smell of grass in the morning too. hay ang labo. this is so spontaneous. james n nins are chatting in front of me, theyre making their pedia history while im joggling thoughts in my head.

May narealize ako, the breeding ground for insanity is repeated thinking, which when done in soltitude brings about wisdom. Sanity is what makes people boring. its okay to be insane these days as long as we get a hold of ourselves.

i miss my childhood.

i wanna play badminton again despite my myalgias.

i have an addictive personality.

i find it hard to let go of my emotions.

i like crying alone.

but i also need a good hug.

im insane.

i love loving, even the pain it brings.
it makes me wiser, weaker and stonger at the same time.

ops tama na, im hungry. :)

mercredi, novembre 01, 2006

My japanese name is Nakamura (center of the village) Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

mardi, octobre 31, 2006

i was beaming as i was opening my newly purchased pack of cigarattes. although i've been trying to quit for a month now, i just couldn't help but crave for nicotine every now and then. I manuevered my hands skillfully to get a stick from my pack (ive got some style haha) and at this time i was still smiling, and then the unthinkable happened. flickr flickr flick flic fl my lighter isn't working!!!!!!!!! oh whatta frustrating moment. is this divine intervention? ho-hum. i paused to catch a breath, decided if im gonna give in. and yes, im a loser. i looked for a matches.

why am i so oral? i eat a LOT. i smoke a LOT.

i love thinking while im smoking. maybe thats one of the reasons why i find it hard to quit. Whenever i smoke, i seem to ponder about life, about my principles, about anything that matters...and even those that dont really matter.

top 7 things i love to do while smoking:

1. ponder
2. drink coffee
3. look at the smoke as it comes out of my mouth
4. watch people walk by
5. read a book
6. listen to dishwalla
7. imagine

vendredi, octobre 20, 2006

is it possible to find someone who's world will only evolve entirely around you?

People have a tendency get clingy when they are in a relationship. Why? Probably because of object permanence or separation-anxiety. (go, kaplan!) Whatever the reason is, we have to get over that cycle of clinging to our boyfriends, lover, hot papa, s.o.'s, whatever love object you have. i realized that being in a relationship ,(take note: not being in love. these are two different things)is like holding grains of sand in your hand. If you squeeze you hands too tight, the sand will spill. If you open your hands, the wind will blow it away. But if we try to hold it steady in our hands, it will stay.

The difficulty lies in knowing that you're being to much of something, and having the courage to do something about it.

mercredi, septembre 20, 2006

pink dress

that lady


that half-lady (i mean)


keeps me smiling.


ive got no time to crumble.

vendredi, septembre 08, 2006

Drawn Out Lyrics
by Dishwalla

so the lines are lost
on the smallest details
of the life that we tossed
pushed out over the rail
and the wounds run deep
through the one man so bad
he's fallen beneath
the touch of your hand

and its all drawn out
there's nothing inside
and nothing to hold
nothing to find
its wearing' me out
this feeling inside
I'm all drawn out

and the promise we break it
and the reasons we fake it
bring us farther apart
from the love that we make
as the poisonous time
leaves us gasping for air
we run for the past
but were already there

and its all drawn out
there's nothing inside
and nothing to hold
nothing to find
and its wearing me out
this feeling inside
and its all drawn out
its all drawn out
I'm all drawn out

jeudi, août 17, 2006

If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you

Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized

I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray

We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized

We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way

I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides

We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized

mardi, août 15, 2006

St Therese's poem

May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in
the sun. It is there for each and every one of you.

samedi, août 05, 2006

What does it mean when u dream about the same person over and over again?

ive been dreaming about this person for quite sometime now and it bothers me why i dream about him. hmmmmmm... one of my friends analyzed it for me actually, and he told me that subconciously, he is my ideal guy. (NOT!) Oh just so weird. i dreamt of him like 7 times already and its always in a situation wherein we are running away from something. The dream it really sweet, but the fact that its about him is so anti-climactic.

Anyway, ive been listening to Sade. Sobrang galing. wala lang. hehe. My thougts herniate whenever i hear "Kiss of Life". Love that song. haaaaaaaaaaaay so many things i wanna do, pero so little time. hay. good luck with prelims people.

mercredi, juillet 19, 2006

Later in life you'll learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You'll learn that love doesnt mean leaning and company doesnt mean security.You begin to learn that kissess arent contracts and presents arent promises. You learn to build all your roads today for tomorrow's grounds is too uncertain for your plans. After awhile, you'll learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and secorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You'll learn that you can endure, that your strong and that you have worth.

jeudi, juillet 13, 2006

dinner for tonight:


only med students will get this.

samedi, juillet 08, 2006

I was watching "The Notebook", when it suddenly hit me, why do these cheesy love stories make me somehow wish that someone will love me that way. But then i thought, am i not being loved with the same amount, yet the only thing that makes it different is the era?

We live in a fast-paced life, wherein a single click, a single second can change our lives drastically. Isn't it amazing how "i love you" became so easy to say, or even express? The phrase is even a cliche! Sometimes we feel that the other person doesn't mean it anymore, but in reality, we're just hoping for magnified expressions. Big enoough for us to notice. The ones that really require so much effort. But is it just that, love is still the same, yet its expression has evolved, or it is the fact that the meaning of love just evolved through time?

Love conquers all.

History dictates what love can do. Its either its something great, or something so terrible enough to lose our sanity. After watching the paperback that turned into film, the feeling of envy is still right beneath my head. But right now im realizing, is it really something to envy about? Is it our faults that technology has evolved, and has tremendously made expression so much easier?

Sometimes its so nice to live a simple life. A life wherein not all things evolve and exist for our convenience... The simple acts are the ones that mean so much. A cheesy card, your guy going to your house just to ask you if he could take you to dinner tomorrow, a bunch of flowers that's hand-picked. Expressions of love arent supposed to be disposable, just like a text msg in your fone that you can delete. Its something that should stick to our memories. Something done out of convenience. and i go back to what i said. Love conquers all.... it conquers the comforts of the world we live in right now. It doesnt have to be hard, but it has to be done with meaning.

lundi, juillet 03, 2006

my gawd this is such an eye-opener.

Being Twenty-Something...

Being Twenty-Something (This puts it all into words perfectly.) They call it the Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is
acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.

You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

mercredi, juin 21, 2006

You know ive heard it said theres beauty in distorion
By some people who withdraw to find their head
And they say theres no humor in misfortune
No, i wonder if they'll laugh when i am dead

Why am i fighting to live
If im just living to fight
Why am i trying to see
When there aint nothing in sight
Why am i trying to give
When noone gives me a try
Why am i dying to live
If im just living to die

You know some people say that values are subjective
But theyre just speaking words
That someone else has said
And so they live and fight and kill with no objective
Sometimes its hard to tell the living from the dead

You know i used to weave
My words into confusion
And so i hope you'll understand me
When im through
You know i used to live my life as an illusion
But reality wil make my dream come true

So ill keep fighting to live
Till theres no reason to fight
And ill keep trying to see
Until the end is in sight
You know im trying to give
So come on
Give me a try
You know im dying to live
Until im ready to die

samedi, juin 03, 2006

SCHOOL STARTS SOON! some helpful tips to be a nerdy hehe

1. Your brain loves color. Use colored pens – good quality, not gel pens – or use colored paper. Color helps memory.

2. Your brain can effectively focus and concentrate for up to 25 minutes (adults). Take a 10-minute break after every 20-30 minutes of studying. Go do some chores: rake the lawn, iron a shirt, vacuum. Come back after 10 minutes and do another focused, intense session.

3. Your brain needs to be rested to learn fast and remember best. If you are tired take a 20-minute nap first otherwise you are wasting your study time.

4. Your brain is like a motor: it needs fuel. You wouldn’t put dirty fuel in your Lamborghini (if you had one) or you wouldn’t put low quality fuel in a rocket, would you? Well, your brain is a much more valuable, intricate machine than either of those so feed it properly. Junk food and imitation food and all the chemicals and preservatives weaken both your body and your mind. In fact, a recent study in England showed that your IQ is affected by your diet.

5. Your brain is like a sea of an electro-chemical activity. And both electricity and chemicals flow better in water. If you are dehydrated you just don’t focus as well. Drink enough water (colored liquids – pop, juice, coffee, etc. – are not the same). Often times headaches are connected to dehydration, too.

6. Your brain loves questions. When you come up with questions in class or when reading a book, your brain automatically searches for answers, making the learning faster. A good question has more than one answer.

7. Your brain and body have their own rhythm cycles: there are times during the day when you are more alert than others. You will save time learning if you study during your peak periods. If you have a part-time job that happens during your peak period you may wan to reconsider if it is wise to be giving your employer your best learning time.

8. Your brain and body communicate constantly. If your body is slouched down, the message the brain gets is that “this is not important” and so it doesn’t pay as close attention. In any learning situation, sit up and lean forward to help keep your mind alert. Buy a good quality, adjustable office chair.

9. Your brain is affected by smells. Use aromatherapy to keep your brain alert. Peppermint, lemon and cinnamon are good ones to experiment with.

10. Your brain needs oxygen. Get out there and exercise.

11. Your brain needs space. Be sure that you are not trying to study in a small cramped area.

12. Your brain needs your space to be organized. One recent study showed that kids who grow up in tidy, organized homes do better academically. Why? Because by being trained to organize the outside environment, the brain learns to organize the internal knowledge…which makes recall faster. Buy a 4-drawer legal-sized filing cabinet.

13. Your brain cells in the hippocampus, a part of the brain that deals with putting information from short-term to long-term memory, are destroyed by cortisol, which is created when you are stressed. So, yes, stress affects memory. How do you get rid of cortisol? Exercise.

14. Your brain doesn’t know what you can’t do until you tell it.
What are you telling it? Listen to your self-talk. Stop the negativity. Replace it with more positive, encouraging talk.

15. Your brain is like a muscle: it can be trained and strengthened, at any age. No excuses. Stop being a mental couch potato. Professional athletes practice every day; you can practice homework everyday. If “you don’t have any”, make some up for yourself. Read ahead, review…do SOMETHING.

16. Your brain needs repetition. It is better to do short frequent reviews than one long review because what counts is how many times your brain sees something, not how long is sees it in one sitting.

17. Your brain can understand faster than you can read. Use a pencil or finger to “lead” your eyes. By doing so you help your eyes move more quickly.

18. Your brain needs movement, especially if you are mostly a kinesthetic (body movement) learner instead of a visual or auditory learner. You might find your productivity go up if you have a standing desk. Buy one or make one by raising your desk/table on blocks. This allows you to move more easily and stay more alert.

19. Your brain seeks patterns and connections. When you are learning something, ask yourself, “What does this remind me of?” This will also help your memory because it connects the new knowledge to something you already know.

20. Your brain loves fun. We learn in direct proportion to how much fun we are having. Learning is life. Live it up!

vendredi, juin 02, 2006

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.
You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others
You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.
Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.
While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.
Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.
You Are French Food

Snobby yet ubiquitous.
People act like they understand you more than they actually do.

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.

You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.

You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.

You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.

While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.

You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.

You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

mercredi, mai 31, 2006

fly away
just like the leaves of a summer day
the clouds are watching
and i cannot cry

for the heavens will know my secret
and would hide the stars from me tonight
i smoke
wishin that just like the leaves
all that i have will fly away


vendredi, mai 19, 2006

i'm this bored.

1. Will u still love the person who once hurt u?
> of course. its never love without pain. pero it really depends din eh. i have some rules that cant be violated.

2. Will u go out on a date with a person u know
who is already committed with someone?
> nope

3. Would u steal the person u love most from ur
> no. coz i'll never be happy knowing that someone's hurting bec of me.

4. What's the nicest thing ul do for love??
> letting him be.

5. What's the least thing ul do for love??
> totally forget myself.

6. Will u give ur ex a second chance??
> no. and make that exes.

7. What was the best thing uve done for the
person u love??
> number 5

8. If u get stuck on an elevator with your ex what
will you say?
> i'll let out a stinky fart! hahahaha no words. actions speak louder than words! bwahahaha

9. Will u give ur partner a big kiss in front of many
> what's a big kiss? is there a small one? of course i can.

10.If ur ex fooled u once, will u give another set of
trust to him/her?
> nope.

11. What will u do if u caught ur partner with
someone else inside your room or bed?
> hmmm dont know. depends who.

12. If you will be given a choice. Will u drink a
bottle of wine one-on-one with ur partner or with ur
crush only the two of u inside the room?
> ehr...partner.

13. If you can only save one person on a crashing
plane, and u dnt know anybody there, who would it
> the person nearest to me.

14. You are with your partner on a party. Your ex
asked you to dance with her/him even for a couple
of minutes. Will you dance with her/him knowing ur
partner is right there beside u?
> no. and even if he wasnt beside me, i wont!

15. Will u still give a present to ur ex on her/his
very special occasion?
> no

16. If u hear the word love who comes into ur mind
> the color red. hehe

17. You won 2 tickets for a concert. Who will you
> depends what concert.

18. Will u do a big favor for ur ex?. Now that
you're already friends??
> sure no prob

19. Now, who u are thinking about?? Ur partner, ur
ex or ur crush??
> b.

20. Who do you love most, ur ex, crush, or your
present and why?
> i cant compare.

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!" --- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

jeudi, mai 11, 2006

Once dry, but never dead.

For a long time I dwelled in tranquility. My master used to hide me beyond the depths of her forsaken soul, as though I am though she thought I never existed. She never questioned my presence, but her angst and indifference conditioned me to be seemingly motionless, dry and probably dead.

She held in me a prisoner of her own doubt, of her own strength , of her own weakness...and of her own bitterness. She has shamefully secluded me for a long time. Yes, she made me ignorant of reality. I was a symbol of my master's desolation. But little did I know that she silently suffered as her stillness and optimism protected from this cruel world.

The moment she allowed me to breath, was a point of facing reality in the raw...not only for her, but for me as well. Slowly, as I drew back from nothingness, I began to perceive what was concealed... what was kept for a long time... what was real.

I heard his voice. I heard him say goodbye. My master tried to be still, she tried to be calm, but nevertheless the bitterness of parting drowned her being, as though it possessed her and as though it chained her soul. For the first time I realized who my master is. She was not an object of weakness, but a symbol of strength. She was not an object of hate, but a symbol of love... but even though she loved, fate wasn't just kind to her. The man who touched her heart, seemingly broke it too.

I was not amazed by her grief. I was not amazed by her bitterness, but rather I was amazed at how she accepted she took in all the pain, how she managed to say "goodbye and just be happy with her" with utmost sincerity, and most of all, I was deeply amazed at how she managed to let go of him, without hesitation, but with the willingness of a bold soul. Even if she knew he deceived her... she returned him the boundless understanding which he never deserved. Eventhough I never heard it, I knew she loved him.

Deliberately, she allowed me to breath. I realized I wasn't dead, but I was just kept. I realized I never really existed, until she created me. Since right that very moment, when I perceived that she was my creator. I realized how favored I was to have been conceived in her midst. I, grateful than ever, began comforting her as though I was a delineation of hope, I told her to just let go, and that she deserves someone better. Wanting to somehow ease her pain, I told her that life has to go on, with or without him and that she should let go of love, because she doesn't own it. I told her it will come back when it wills. and that someone out there is truly meant for her, and that it might be him, only she has to wait. And as though she heard everything that I said, she took a deep breath... and slowly, she touched me... and kept me in her midst, where I know I will dwell forever...

I am now dry... and maybe dead.
But I was the tear, which she once brought to life...
I used to be the symbol of her desolation, of her weakness, and of her bitterness...
and now that I am dead... I am a symbol of her acceptance, of her love... and probably of the reality she once tried to conceal...

wrote this a few years ago...feels weird...hehe
woke up 9am and went to the bathroom. As i was brushing my teeth, and what kevin said hit me again.

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intellect"

Well, come to think of it, we live most of our lives satisfying our imaginations. *hmmm*. Methinks that i gotta stop thinking before i put shampoo in my toothbrush *wtf?!* yes it happened to me twice already.

well well another hot summer day. :D was watching "Princess Hours/ Goong". Its a korean series. it sooo nice and really funnee *teehee* korean dvds really make me laugh, smile and giggle all over again like a 12 year old peeping on her crush. wahahahah. *giggles*

on the other hand, i began thinking of med school again. i miss my friends from school and some of my classmates too. *ahem* hehe. i'm hoping surgery wont be that hard.... shucks thinking of the subjects palang im gettin lazy already. ok now i know that i have to snap out of it. hehe is a super funny website of a gay fashionista. she's like the "gay lord" of the philippines. well at first i hated him coz he's such a materialistic, superficial and ruthless biatch but then i guess he's just livin the role he wanna live. and yes. thats bein a faggot. hehe :) hes really funny. the way he writes stuff, the way he expresses himself...its so gay. hi dont care if he's rich, if he has bags from chanel, fendi, lv and name it he has it, he's funny because i cant imagine a person livin a colorful life like the way he does. thinkin of gettin slim wen he looks soooo anorexic already. hes so obsessed with himself and its so funny. haha.

well who isnt vain nowadays?* teehee *

dont u just love drinkin tea and listening to jazz/classical/house music and smoking at the same time????? hoot hoot. my bad. still smokin.

jeudi, avril 27, 2006

how can i have somebody i don't own? how can i lose somebody i never had? We don't lose the person. We lose a part of ourselves..and in the end it doesn't really matter.. because the more we lose ourselves, the more we find ourselves. We don't change. We just grow.

i made that last night. the sincerest thoughts comes without thought blocking when ur kinda tipsy. was listening to dishwalla for the nth time. As i raised my hand to give a toast for myself, then the thought hit me........ im free :) ima good. ir really is liberating to drink sometimes. i never enjoyed drinkin this much except when im drinking wine instead. i was drinking vodka cruiser last night. tasted too sweet so i added more vodka. thanks to my best bud, Ek for giving me the idea to drink alone. hehe ;0

i love my friends, and those people id want to help in the future.

sometimes the same thought hit me....... whats d purpose of my life? whats d meaning of my life? purpose........meaning........ so many thoughts so little time.

hope we find the meaning of waking up everyday. i wish i could wake up everyday with a smile on my face. not that i aint smilin but im usually expressionless. boring.

wanna go to paris

fall in love again

talk to strangers without gettin scared

wanna learn how to ride a bike

eat ice cream in the park

smell flowers and gaze at them

wanna go on top of the mountain

even if i have to go down again

watch the sunset with the one i love

watch the sunrise with the one i watched the sunset with

live today as if its my last chance at life

i wanna swim again

swim at a nice quiet beach

wanna visit london.

wanna do so many things.

in a nutshell.....


figure me out.

mardi, avril 25, 2006

You Are 72% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.
You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

lundi, avril 24, 2006

A collection of destiny

The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one's lot.

A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control: “Marriage and hanging go by destiny” (Robert Burton).

The power or agency thought to predetermine events: Destiny brought them together.

[Middle English destine, from Old French destinee, from feminine past participle of destiner, to destine, from Latin destinare, to determine.]

here are several definitions of destiny, but the way i see it...

its when free will coincides another's free will. The beauty of destiny lies in its inevitability, and at the same time its flexibility. Destiny is flexible when interfered with free will. The dilemma lies in the extent of being in a "free" state of mind.

Only a few things matter in this world. Most of which are the things that we do. Doesn't matter so much what we think. It only becomes something of prime importance if we act upon it.
Was watchin some korean flick awhile ago and i noticed that most people (ahem) dont say what they really mean. its so weird. since when did we learn to become like that? Its something that distinguishes us from kids. and like what Dr. House always says, "Everybody lies".. whether its a little lie, a white one, black or a big one... it usually causes some trouble.

life's full of dilemmas.

dilemmas remain dilemmas

and they just add up in my blog. hehe.

lundi, avril 17, 2006

Heartaches will last as long as you want them to...

somebody told me this before or ive read that somewhere, and ive always kept that in mind. but right now, nothing seems to strength seems to wear off... everything i do... reading books, listening to music, browsing thru my stuff... everything seemed to remind me of him..

im not searching for him...yet y does everything seem to remind me of him? havent i learned enough? i wanna move on. fall in love with myself all over again.

i wanna forget...but why does everything seem to against what i plan to do?

............................ anyways, in my attempt to forget abt him, ill just talk abt a documentary that captured my heart last night. (oh nice. the word "heart" reminded me of him!?)

well, i was searching for something interesting last night, and i watched iwitness. its a tv show in gma7. jay taruc made this documentary entitled, "gutom". its was indeed an eye-opener. moreso, it was a tear-jerker. yes, my pseudo-maangas face softened, and i cried.

it was about the poor families living along manila...those who didnt have enough to eat. :( i dont wanna go back to expensive restaurants anymore. not even to starbucks or the coffeeshops i always hangout at... the cup of coffee i drink, even costs more than a family living at vaseco can earn per day :( such a very sad thought. i hope there was smething all of us can do to help them.

... un lang muna. m not in d mood to write muna.

dimanche, avril 16, 2006

Last night, in my efforts to escape boredom, i turned on my ever-reliable tv (again) and i watched 'the apocalypse' its a show, that was made to inform the public about the bible codes and how they work. It was pretty interesting.... really, but i was wondering, what do they decipher those for?

It think theyre desperately trying too hard to gaze into the future. Its like astrology, wherein the positions of the stars and the year you were born have a significance in your daily life.

Well, personally, everything in this world, in its own spatial design and purpose, (especially the ones we often ignore) have a significance in our lives. Its just that living all your life in the shadow of trying to decipher all the meanings behind everything will make you crazy (and funny). Its interesting to once in awhile try to pre-empt whats gonna happen next but its wiser to make sound decisions whether wrong or right.

Life is great big puzzle. All we can do is find clues on how to live it, and place our blessings where they should belong.... and in the end, this makes us whole.

i wrote something the other night, and irregardless if u guys could "decipher" is meaning or appreciate its content, up to u.

Close your eyes, and you think you can't see a thing. So, all if us become "blind", every so often. The world is fast, the mind is too slow. With every blink of an eye, time has changed and everything else does. It doesn't have to be painful, but if it persists long enough, we begin to perceive.

We're blinded with every blink of an eye, and no matter how hard we try to keep our eyes open, it can only do for so long. We have to blink, to see again. If we don't, our visions blur and our eyes well up with tears.

"The eyes are the windows to the soul" We have to blink and stop once in awhile to see again. If we lose sight of what lies ahead, we could blink and wipe away the tears. It's when we sleep, wherein our minds gain magic.

What can't be seen isn't always right, and what we can't is not always a dream.

jeudi, avril 13, 2006

It ain't over TIL ITS OVER

Im such a love-fool. I love talking and listening about stories of love and how it conquers all. And in between love and the thin line that separates it from its mystery, i find myself trapped and drowned in the own concepts that i've held on to. Love is indeed so great that it shakes the entirety of my ego, and its boundaries.

It makes me happy to love --- and yes, im very crazy coz it gives me pain just the same. Love makes me childish, childlike... and everything that pertains to uncontrollable yearning of a 3-year-old kid for ice cream (disclaimer: i still am a 3-year-old when it comes to loving ice cream ;p )

I long to stare at the eyes that seem to discover all that i am, those eyes that makes me feel naked, though i'm not. And yet to overcome the shame of it all. Ill allow that person to look at me like that all over again.

Whats was wrong with what ive done, is that I let him stare at me endlessly and he got used to it that he no longer wants to discover whats left of me. Thats what hard about loving... its like drinking alcohol for the 1st time. You never know you're drunk till u aleardy passed out...and whats left of you the next day, are headaches and hangovers and blurred memories of what used to be.

it ain't over til its over.
lets dwell in drunkeness forever....

mardi, avril 11, 2006

yesterday all my troubles seemed so faaaaaaaaaaaar away. hehehe :) my face laughs, my heart aches. awwwwwwwwwwwww.... this thing abt not communicating to him to make him realize how much he has taken me for granted is like trying to drown in the dead sea.

i woke up this morning and i checked my fone, hoping that he texted. or at least somebody did. where's everyone? hmmmmmmmm...nobody texted me. its been 4 days i havent made any move, and i feel awful... he doesnt seem to communicate too (except last sunday) im afraid that if i make a move, i will FOREVER be taken for granted (i wont allow that) Is this the end?

A famous line in a song echoes in my head, "you only get what u give"... where have i gone wrong? i dont think i deserve to be ignored... ever. ive been good to him... i guess some people just appreciate another if theyve lost him/her already.

he's losing me bit by bit and what stings is that he's "too busy" to notice.

mercredi, avril 05, 2006

Your Personality Profile

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.
Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.
You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.

A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.
You are good natured and people enjoy your company.
You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.
How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You're open to new people and friends, which makes you a pretty popular person.
Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

mardi, avril 04, 2006

ive been watching the whole 1st season of one tree hill (ive been soooooo deprived) anyways, its nice. but one thing i realized, is that u should not watch it on a marathon (like what i always do)... meanings get loose and u simply miss out on some points. wala lang. i wonder what am i gonna do for the 8 weeks of my vacation? dont know. just wanna spend time at home, sometime with my friends..........and what else... paint, draw, write, read read read all the good books ive missed. m reading gabriel garcia marquez now, and an alexander dumas book that i half-read when i was in high school ;p

its weird, what mattered to me when i was younger doesnt matter as much to me now... is this what getting old is all about? hmmmmmmmm... oh well. life goes on.

jeudi, mars 23, 2006

4 days to go and its over!!!!!!
wooohooooo summer na.

the past two weeks have been hellish for me.
toxic toxic toxic!

i missed bloggin!

jeudi, mars 02, 2006

last night i was with nina, peimon, wena and mel. We went to coffee bean at t morato to have some coffee and study nadin. this is my 2nd attempt tp study for pharma. hay. i only finished one handout thyroid drugs pa... hay, i wish i wont be sooo dead with tomorrow's exam. sana wala nang exam for anti-neoplastic!!!!

im so lucky today coz i woke up late 7:30am i was tooo sleepy to get up so i didnt go to sch for my cp integ class, bahala na si batman! pero what happened was, the class was canceled for no reason!!!! wooooooooooooooohooooooooooo! ;p pero syang, i didnt get a glimpse of dr lopez. hwek hwek!

i'm in school now. i didnt attend neuro (not that im lazy pero mejo) kasi i was 35 mins late and im embarrassed to go inside the lec hall. what is it with me and getting late??? hmmm, cguro its so psychological, coz when i was small, (i lived in rizal) i go to school early coz my mom wake's my up 4:30 am. (i go to st paul pasif btw) sooo mejo malayo. i got used to sleeping in tha car and my driver wakes me up nalang when we're in school na.

after 6 years of living independently, (without my mom to wake me up) i guess i havent really adjusted yet. hmmmm, or is it just the thought of my school bein near that makes me take a bath longer than i should? ;p hmmmmmmm, answer is! DALAGA NA KO. hwek hwek. kiddin.

hmmmmmmm, i have a new blog topic! i thought of this last night. i think there's no such thing as being sad. its only a combination of lack of happiness, and yearning for it at the same time... which makes it a state of mind.

oh well, last night, i kinda lacked happiness coz my bf forgot out monthsary (26th month!!!!! cguro he forgot about it like 20 times na.... wait lang

mardi, février 28, 2006

this is a very interesting article :) enjoy

Love is the drug
Romance may be tied to reward system that can cause addiction
By Rhonda Grayson

Tuesday, February 14, 2006 Posted: 1705 GMT (0105 HKT)

Researchers say that romantic love triggers reward centers in the brain.

Doing something novel triggers dopamine in the brain, which stimulates feelings of attraction.

And stare into your partner's eyes. Psychologist Art Aron conducted an experiment in which he had pairs of the opposite sex stare into each other's eyes for about two minutes. Most of the couples who were strangers reported feelings of attraction. One couple went on to get married.

It's an intense craving for the person they adore. But just how does the brain process romantic love?

Anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of "Why We Love," studied the brain circuitry that makes falling in love the intense, passionate emotion it is. She found that the brain sees romantic love as a reward, stimulating activity in the same areas that light up when a person seeks any kind of a reward, whether it's chocolate, money or drugs.

"It became apparent to me that romantic love was a drive -- a drive as strong as thirst, as hunger. People live for love, they kill for love, they die for love, they sing about love," Fisher said.

"There are myths and legends about love. The oldest love poetry is over 4,000 years old. The world is littered with all kinds of artifacts that stem from this basic mating drive."

Fisher went on a quest to unravel the mystery of the brain in love. She teamed up with Art Aron, a psychologist and professor at Stony Brook University in New York and Lucy Brown, a professor in neurology and neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York.

They studied 17 people who recently had fallen madly in love -- people who were spending 80 percent of their waking hours not being able to think of anybody else. The subjects had been in love an average of seven months.

The findings were published last year in the Journal of Neurophysiology.

For the study, Fisher developed a questionnaire about passionate love, including such questions as "Would you die for your partner?" She said she was shocked by the answers to that query: All of the subjects said they would.

What especially surprised her was the casual way in which they responded.

The participants were put into an MRI machine and asked to stare at photographs of their sweethearts and then neutral photos that called for no positive or negative feelings. When the researchers were able to look inside the brain in love, they said they were struck by the results.

The part of the brain that lit up the strongest was that associated with rewards and pleasure, a finding not nearly as poetic as romantics would have thought. It turns out that, to the brain, love is just another reward, much like chocolate or money, or like a drug to an addict. This brain system gets used every time you want something.

Romantic love, it turns out, is a reward, the researchers say.

"We certainly think of romantic love as something that's magical, and the magic is here and here," Brown said, pointing to the part of the brain that lit up during the experiment, the brain stem region known as the ventral tegmental area. There, pigmented cells known to contain dopamine send messages to a part of the brain called the caudate nucleus.

When Brown started the study, she said she thought she was studying a strong positive emotion.

"Now I have changed the way I think about early-stage romantic love," she said. "It's a motivation; the person [we're in love with] is a goal. Emotions come and go. We feel euphoria, but we feel anxiety, too. This core system that is driving the person who is in love toward their sweetheart, that is much more important in a sense than an emotion."

Aron added, "When you're intensely in love, and especially if it's being reciprocated, there is an incredible sense of exhilaration. You feel this person is the most wonderful person in the world, and if they were part of you -- if you were together -- your life would be perfect."

Fisher agreed: "Romantic love is not only an emotion, it's a basic mating drive, and it's stronger than the sex drive."

Although the early characteristics of romantic love don't last forever -- the pounding heart, the obsessive thinking and craving -- in good relationships they will transfer to a different level, a stage of love called "attachment," Fisher said.

In her own studies of more than 800 people older than 45, Fisher found that they showed just as much romantic passion as those under 25.

In fact, romantic love can be triggered at any age. Fisher said she interviewed an 8-year-old boy who perfectly described his intense passion for an 8-year-old girl. She said she also knows couples in their 70s and 80s who are madly in love.

When asked if placing love under a microscope takes away some of the mystery and romance, Fisher smiled.

"You can know every ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake, and you still sit down and eat that chocolate cake and it's wonderful," she said. "In the same way, you can know all the ingredients of romantic love and still feel that passion."

mardi, février 21, 2006

ive been soo dizzy the entire day

7am patho post test, slept through forensic pathology
12 lunch with nat at the hosp. so full and sleepy
1am ob lecture with dra lee.... i spent the last 15 mins sleeping...
2am med... my patient is a nyc,old guy. :)

wala lang...

hmmmm, what's the worst way to miss someone? wala just a thought.

samedi, février 18, 2006

i'm watchin saturday night live right now...kinda funny n relaxin' really... oh well, my mind is filled of thoughts as usual. ee cummings (one of my favorite poets) drives me crazy ones again. There's this side of me that once made me wonder, what would life be if i werent in med school? (not that i hate med sch, but i just have my moments) i guess i would be in law school...or....possible workin already right now... i was thinking, would i be a different person? well, i guess not really.... i'd only have a different perspective in life. there is so much in life that i'd want to conquer...i wanna travel.. go to europe, africa.... and maybe, north america... i find the places kinda interesting... i also wanna draw more, paint more. ( i miss painting ever if im not so good w/ brushes) makes me discover so much moreabout myself. i miss my high school friends, and my college friends too... i hope we'll have a reunion someday...

i'm bein so weird... is this the effect of beta-blockers? hwek hwek... i just took my metoprolol 15 mins ago... i'm still hoping that the cause of my hypertension will be determined soon... was it bec of my lymphocytic thyroiditis? (which is so rare i dunno hw in the world did i get it) or do i have pheochromocytoma? whats worse if if i have sle or any collagen disease or autoimmune disease...i dont have symptoms though... whats so hard abt getting sick when ur in med school is everyday im being faced with the torture of constantly hearing abt the effects of hypertension and what nots.... i hope everything wil be fine................ after all the stressful ancillaries, and my fnab......

i hope ill get well soon...

life is really complicated...

wen i was young, i thought everything s easy...
now that im getting older,
things are getting more n more complicated.

falling in love...
getting sick...
watchin my family break loose...

all i can do is be silent...and type...and watch saturday night live.

jeudi, février 16, 2006

i was just browsing thru the net when i saw a nice wedding pic, and suddenly i thought of my own "wedding" ceremony.... well, honestly, before i didnt wanna get married (not that i do now) but i dont really get to think of it. i guess, it was just my fear eating me. endless stories about broken marriages and unhappy endings are scary for me. i dont wanna be a "separada".

well anyways, wala lang. if ever i get married, i want it to be a simple one. a very simple, yet elegant wedding :) ang question lang... "with whom?!" hehe oh well....

i dnt wanna answer that muna

mardi, février 14, 2006

Image hosting by Photobucket
The History of Valentine's Day

Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.


lundi, février 13, 2006

Puppies For Sale

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about Nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he Felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy.
Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer.
And with that he let out a whistle,"Here,Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself To a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need Someone who understands."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

mercredi, février 08, 2006

Jealousy is the act of turning away your head toward's somebody who intimidates you.

i think this is real jealousy.

anyways, wala lang :)

dimanche, février 05, 2006

whoever was not shocked with what happened yesterday at ultra must have a heart of stone.

Yesterday, 71 poor people died in a stampede in front of ultra coz all of them wanted to gain entrance for the celebration of wowowee's 1st anniversary. grabe, d ko alam kung anong magiging reaction ko, but i felt so devastated. Is life really that hard nowadays? I know it is, but i havent realized it so much coz i'm so jailed within the confines of the medicine building or UST area. (not that im studying)

It such a sad thought that our 71 of our countrymen had to die just to fight their way to luck. Ibang klase na talaga ang buhay ngayon. Sobrang hirap. That incident put tears to my eyes. d ko alam y, im not really the crybaby type, but i did.

I felt luckier and more moved to do whatever i can to help people wherever i go, may it be as simple as a smile or as big as giving money. To give or not to give? Sometimes i dont give alms to those people who look as if theyre capable naman of working coz it makes me feel as if im tolerating their laziness... pero sa bagay, minsan d rin natin alam.

:( im still kinda sad over what happened. I hope it will never happen again. May those souls who passed away in search for luck, find true wealth in God's presence.

jeudi, février 02, 2006

space in a rock!

On December 22nd 1998 (give or take a day) the Boston Globe published an article entitled "Planetary Demotion", which suggested that Pluto might be downgraded to a normal asteroid in the near future by decision of the IAU. This article has caused a lot of interest internationally. In fact, what was being debated really was how to mark the numbering of asteroid number 10 000.

contrary to what dr.cruz said abt pluto bein an asteroid, well it not yet proven anyways.

What would the reasons be for down-grading Pluto? Even for those emotionally tied to it as a planet, they are fairly convincing. It is now known that the mass of Pluto is only about one fifth of the mass of the Moon and, as such, it is very hard to claim that Pluto really is a planet. However, this still means that its mass is about 1.5x1022kg - about a dozen times the mass of Ceres, the largest asteroid. In fact, of the known TNOs, Pluto is still about a factor of 100 more massive than any other, apart from its satellite Charon and Charon is, by far, the second largest known TNO

wala lang. i just found it interesting. ive always been fascinated with the celestial body since i was in grade school. this is quite cheesy but whenever i go home to rizal, i go to the garden and i gaze at the multitudes of tiny lights that seem to make our world smaller. our imagination has been challenged by the pictures of the planets in our grade school books and encyclopedias, and sadly most of our imaginations never evolved from what we were i tried to imagine, what if the earth, being relative to the other "planets" "asteroids" "stars" "meteors" "comets" were just like the human cell, then the universe could have been one organ or part of the human (well not really human) organismic (ahem , wala akong maisip na word) body.

we have always baffled ourselves with question just like three-year-olds debating how the sky turned blue, or how airplanes fly. i was just wondering, probably there so many secrets behing the "universe" that we were born with.

oh well its just a thought.

well more abt pluto.... the debate abt pluto bein a planet/ asteroid is bec of its unusual size and orbit. hehe un lang

mercredi, février 01, 2006

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Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
So all we have to do is love the people who treat us right,
forget about the ones to don't,
and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Know a good thing when we see it, and don't let it slip away
If we get the chance, take it.
If it changes our lives, let it...
Nobody said that it would have to be easy,
they just said that it will all be worth it...

mardi, janvier 31, 2006

i had a dream 2 nights ago...

its one of the weirdest dreams ever... my 1st bf (of course he's an ex) have hsv 2 daw! and he's soooo depressed that he had to turn to me for comfort... weird talaga. i havent seen him for how many months na and all of a sudden, i dream about him... oh well... just curious what the dream meant. so i'm gonna search it. ;p (hehehe tama to, FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ANDITO BF KO!!!! HE SAW WHAT I WAS TYPING ABOUT!!!! FUCK TALAGA!!!! OMG!

anyways, cool cool.

fuck. impulse ko un itago to eh. xempre, secret blog ko to eh. anyways, abt the dream ulet.

Sick Upset. Unwell. Part of yourself is ready to be healed.

Crying Emotional release. Grief. Domestic trials are on the way. Emotions need to be released.

this is the closest i could find. actually m kinda disturbed coz of what happened. he walked out. hay.

lundi, janvier 30, 2006

i have a new skin people!
what do u think?! ;p

vendredi, janvier 27, 2006

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i cant wait to have my 1st cup of coffee for today. i stopped drinking coffee last month kse.... *secret* so im drinkin healthy drinks instead like tea for my sympathies ;p anyways, its friday and i wont be going home (again). i'm too tired to go out. fudge. im gettin older na talaga :( waaaaah.

anyway, im gonna invite one of my girlfriends to watch a movie tonight or im gonna sleep and get lots of rest... lately i discovered a lot about myself. thanks to tickle. hehhe that my hollywood counterpart was winona. naks. hehehehe ;p

anyways gonna do my tickle muna.

mercredi, janvier 25, 2006

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watchin several episodes of house made me realize something last night.
It's so easy to die than to live. there are so many simple/seemingly insignificant moments that could easily make us sick and unwell. wala lang. freaky pero it made me realize that everyday in our lives is indeed a miracle. :)

just like a drop of water hanging from the faucet,
we wait everyday until we finally fall
wherever it may take us.

lundi, janvier 23, 2006

what can't kill you only makes u stronger.

Last nite, i was watching reality tv with humhum... it was about doctors (hehe) setting: US. a guy went to the hospital due to abd pains, vommiting, nausea, diarrhea... for quite sometime the doctors thought it was viral, but he was unresponsive to acyclovir, ribavirin and the like. he's married. has 3 kids. he was brought in by his wife.

the doctors were clueless regarding his diagnosis...they tried giving him an antibiotic and it kinda stabilized him.... he was discharged even if the mds dont have any diagnosis... he cameback to the er a few hours later wth the same symptoms... still doctors were clueless..

until, he was asked abt his marital relationship. he's goin thru a divorce.... well, that didnt really help with uncovering his diagnosis (but this will be pertinent later, promise) he was discharged again and was maintained on a gluten-free diet... he abided for quite sometime and he got better. but he couldnt believe that he was allergic to gluten so he tried eating small amts of bread...and hence, admission.
same cycle. he was discharged and now, was more convinced that he has allergies.

one time he was brushing his teeth when he noticed so many empty packages of ho hum i forgot what it was called. basta un, he was curious abt it and he confronted his wife. his wife had gone mad and he called up the hospital and he managed to get his wife admitted into the psych ward.... they investigated the package and it was indeed, poison.... grabe noh????????

whatta pyscho.

anyways, like what i said, what can't kill u only makes u stronger.

oh by th way, the poisonous thang --- CASTOR BEANS.

what u thought can kill u, in fact only makes u stronger...
and sometimes, what u think makes u stronger...actually kills u.

vendredi, janvier 06, 2006


Just when you think it's helping.... it's actually killing you.

I remember when i was young, about 6 years old, and my lungs are still virgin, ;p i always see my dad smoking and i despised the stingky aroma of tobacco. I even went to the extent of hiding my father's ream coz that's how much i disliked sticks.

That's my first touch of Marlboro reds... Ho hum!

Name any brand of cigartte manufactured before 2000, i've tried it! tsktsktsk... and now, my 10-pack year of smoking history is finally ending (really!)

What's hard about it is it actually has become a part of my lifestyle... without me even knowing et... before, i used to say that i only smoke whenever i'm badtrip or sad... and then stressful...and then whenever i'm thinkin hard.... and then while im talking to someone i find intresting to talk to.... and then when im happy.... and while taking a bath...while drinking coffee... name it. i have become and addict. a slave...

now... i wont deny that nicotine still runs in my blood, pero less na.

i'm not a slave anymore...

just somebody who likes to smoke ONCE IN AWHILE.

you never really get to realize how much u change til u get shocked out of your apathy coz something big awaits you.

jeudi, janvier 05, 2006

Less is more.

Insomia made me a couch potato before i fall asleep.
I was watchin one of those discovery segments of "house to home"
its really a nice show if ur into interior designing and architecture design.
pero they said something quite unexpected.. Less is more.

Kaboom! all thoughts of the past flooded my mind as if they were footprints in the sand...leavin' a mark. its true...when u have less clutter in ur life, u'll find more room to annd relax... nice huh?

anyways, last nite, while i was havin a good time with my friends, somebody texted me. he "made" this quote daw for me... sooo touching. here goes: "Life has its own way of telling us who to be with and who not to be with...People come and go in our journey....some will be there coz of the true meaning of love...some because they thought they have found love...others will be there because they want to be loved.. Nonetheless, i would be there for u not because i'm looking but because i want to live in love.... " --- un. so touching!!!! :) really made me smile.

anyways, got nothing much to say really. ;p