mercredi, novembre 30, 2005

Image hosted by

Yahooooooooo isn't it great when you do somethin great with exerting too much effort?!?!?!?! yahoooooooooo! 1st time to ah. bute nalang i enjoyed myself last night and i didn't get OC over that ob quiz!!!! anyways, i watched the premiere of a french film entitled, "joyeux noel". cheeeesy title huh??? pero the theme was really great. the story speaks of how three battling nations managed to find peace amidst the war..... asteeg. it was a true story by the way that's why its sooo touchin! though it seemed great, the story was made is such a way that it lacks depth and polarity...parang the denounement was sooo abrupt and you get this feeling that the ending was kinda hurried. anyways, too bad din its gonna be released pa sa US on february....tsktsktsk...kinda out of season na talaga.

anwyays, enough with the movie. hay im sooo badtrip with my insomiac episode last was soooo uncalled for coz i really wanted to rest. yan tuloy i ended up sleepin late wakin up late at crammin for ob as usual. hehehe!

anyways, last nite during my one thousand and one sheep-counting moments...faye texted me..."Loving a person doesn't need a criteria, kse once you fall in love, you take the risk of accepting the person. You dont need to find the answer kung baket mo siya mahal.Kse lahat nagbabago...but if you accept that person,magbago man sha in the middle of the relationship,di ka masasaktan kse tanggap mo sha ng buo. Mahirap gawin pero masarap subukan dahil wala ng sasaya pa if you let that one person deel na mahal na mahal mo sha without asking for anything in return.Then u can say na wow un pala and love!" ----------fudge. i didn't know what to say when i read this. talk about me beeeeein so speechless (while countin sheep) hehhe. tinamaan talaga ako. so maybe, there's hope for me pala talaga.

well well well...i'm thinkin of somebody from my past now. ang weird....all the memories are kinda blurry in my head.?! well cguro there's nothin really much to reminisce and remember when ur sooo over and done with them anymore. i was thinking... am i really supposed to be with my ex's or is it ok if i just ditch them and live as if they never existed?! "live and let live" hehehe.

goooooooosh! lapet na ng christmas!!!! there are so many things i wanna do... i wanna drink wine at a hotel...listen to good music...classical...... fudge. the thought hit me... if i really get kinda well-off when i get older....i wanna live in a hotel penthouse cguro ;p it'll be fun...pero i want my own house din...pero if i end up livin alone...i can have both. :) ung house, rest house by the beach!!! fudge! thats gonna be soooooo nice.

ang corny ko. in the middle of the people here in lru nagddaydream ako. actually, gusto ko uminom ng wine. ang sarap eh. especially white wine...ok lang din un boone's. parang juice :) day dreamin day dreamin! feels soooo gooood parang i'm floating lang... wala nang drama! well well, i guess i'm starting to stop (ironic huh?) thinking about my love life all the time...hehehe i'm happier now. ;p and i'm starting to smile again. :)


mardi, novembre 29, 2005

Punch drunk Love

There are some people who meet that somebody they can stop loving, no matter how hard they try.
I wouldn't expect you to understand that or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that dont go away...and maybe that makes them crazy,
but we should all be lucky to end up with that sumbody who has a little of that insanity.
Somebody who'll never let us go, somebody who cherishes u forever...

nako ang bait bait talaga ng mga kaibigan ko. tsktsk....lakas tama! lecheng love yan! asssssssssssuuuuuuus!

anyways, i was soooooooo stupid last night. shempre, i was, as usual, in my "psychotic state" when i thought of drinking wine.... yezzzz boone's ;p white.
love it. sarap.

peor i thought it'll make me only made the emptiness seem as is there's something least it made me sleep. :) nice. swabeh. no hangovers or whatsoever.

actually, i don't have anything to share that much from now on! hmph! i just realized that there's more to life that just rambling and thinking about my love life. (yeah like readin nelson naman) i guess i just forgot how its like to be alone. i used to be alone naman so i guess i can handle things.

a good friend of mine made me realize somethin after lunch.... i dont know why pero i guess i'm kinda selfish really... dang. pero kenneth was tellin me last saturday night na what i feel is normal. everyone wants to be in love. maybe im just thinkin more about it than im supposed to. but anyways, change topic na nga!

I'm boycotting nestle!
tsktsktsk i know im such a coffee addict but from now on, no more nescafe for me! im boycottin dem coz they're so cruel to their workers! imagine!!!!!!! 3 years (or more) na ata sila on strike. they're just demandin only a little of justice that they're supposed to have to begin with....and yet all these crazy-already-mayaman na people just wants to really get on top of the pyramid.... may araw din kayo...hahahha im really affected huh?

well well what else? i guess nothing much. i just wanna draw the thin line that i have erased almost 2 years ago....

samedi, novembre 26, 2005

somebody texted me this early morning.. "One day we wake up fallin in love with a wrong person in a wrong time and place..But one day, we realize that its not the person,time and place that is wrong..but our expectation of a perfect love story.." dang... hits me big time. maybe to begin with i have this personality na perfectionist...once i put effort into something, i expect things to go so well like the way i want them to... and of course, i'm no god. most of the time, life catches me with so many surprises that i never thought of in the first place.

But its really a mental torture.. i'm the type of person who wants to know whats gonna happen to me in the future. not that i hate surprises, but i hate drastic changes in my life. i wanna be prepared for everything....

actually, preparation is just psychological. nobody can ever be prepared for anything... the only thing that we could ever expect are the ones that we haven't thought of...Why do we find ourselves "stuck in a moment"? maybe because, we never really considered the importance of each and every second of our lives...especially in my fast-paced world...i barely have time to spare.

It's jolie's bday today......
it's just so weird that it suddenly hit me how old i am. shet. a couple of years from now, i'll be thirty...dang!!! 30 years from that, i'll be sixty...and i'll be gone...i'll be a memory. hahaha. ang drama ko talaga! bwahahah

anyways, kainis yang pharma na yan ah! the questions are soooooooooo hard. hehehe reklamador talaga ko minsan.

i miss faye.

i miss my high school friends.

dang. ganto ba talaga if ur in med sch? nababaliw? all i can do is just reminisce coz i dont have any memories to make anymore from now on?!?!?!?! wag naman. shet
bitter na naman ako. fuck dinedread ko un weekend...

......i dont have anyone to spend it with...

FUCK D NAMAN AKO GANTO DATI AH. im seriously beginnin to think that i have "attention-deficit disorder" in other words 'KULANG SA PANSIN' shet wala ng nagtetext saken. when i was in high school, i used to have a pager, (low-tech talaga dati) tapos i always get dozens of msgs! voice mail pa plus email! what the fuck???

this is the thing that happens when all you ever do is just listen the whole day and read. its fun naman sometimes pero sometimes din i just wanna talk..and have coffee (not alone)

i'm gettin' tired of bein alone.

vendredi, novembre 25, 2005

You cannot quit me so quickly

...The space between The tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more.........

Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I've got all the time for you love

Fuck i'm hearin this song again..hits me really hard! long songs hit u hard when you're sooooo in love, or when you soooooo out of love. true true. malapet na weekend! pero come to think of it, who am i gonna spend it with?!!?!? hope my bro is at home or else "stuck in a moment" nanaman ako.

There's so much to say or do than think about love. but i love talking about love. its either i'm empty...or i'm soooo full of it..... more life full of it. this is sooo sappy but i can help but feel sad again. hay nako i get sadder and sadder everytime i go bloggin! happy thoughts happy thoughts! pero sa bagay, my day was ok naman.

cge c crushie nalang. this is rubbish pero i dont know y all of a sudden kinikilig ako. shet. hay...ebs texted me. maggym daw sha later. its ok naman pero bt ganun...sometimes love goes wrong. as the song goes, how can the same love, that made u so happy, makes u so sad? hay. im gettin older. before i used to be concerned with chinese garter and jackstones...and then high school, friends naman....and life. well well. i cant imagine myself havin a kid and thinkin all about my future husband and kid all the time when i hit the age of 30's..shet. d ko talaga maimagine. parang ayaw ko.

all i can say is that

ill be a surgeon by then

and happy.

sometimes sad

8 minutes

shet 8 mins nalang blogging time ko! bruha kse un computer guy from commerce eh ang bagal bagal magprint ng hx ko. pakshet yan tuloy. nadisorganize na thoughts ko.
Anyways, i'm having a good day. Cp integ was fine, ok naman un quiz. d mashado na-boljak, except that kulang with the slides...but i guess its ok. Virology is fine din. short lecture but deadly quiz pero my day is still so-so...

why am i looking for something wrong? i guess i got used to it. dang!

crush stories end up bein crushed.

"love stories are all the same" - yeah yeah yeah. last nite i was askin dis married friend of mine if he's still in love with his wife...ampucha. shempre, not much really. tsktsktsk.

i was heart broken.

hope they patch things up..but how do u fall in love all over again? my besty told me that once in awhile couples should surprise each other...hmm, i do naman eh...except that it doesnt really work most of the time. some surprise huh? last nite i was havin the ultra-masungit-mood of my life...he didnt really try to cheer me up but he tried to bear with me...dang. it worked. kinda felt childish complaining about certain things.

oh well. atleast nothing really is makin me sad right now.

i had a date last nite.
it was with Harrison, Robbins and Bates.
whatta crock of shit. talk about nerdness. pero funny kse i enjoyed. it was like me getting inside the cell...nyek. hahahah. all my thoughts are jumbled na so i gotta go. time for OB.

fuck why do i always think of that person who's makin me smile right now..

mercredi, novembre 23, 2005

The trouble with hello is goodbye.

i heard that song last night, and i found myself lost somewhere in between the about gettin soooooo love sick...dang...i wanted to keep things to myself coz i noticed that lately, there's been a lot of confession on my part. even this blog is a whole new revelation on that side of me that wants to be hidden. i guess, its really hard falling in love...with the decision should come the confidence to fight for whatever's gonna happen.

i got sooooo depressed last night...i realized that i wasnt so happy anymore and yeah i've been sad for too long...i'm really kinda confused with this love-sick marathon every night. keeps me up nalang palagi. yeah yeah yeah im a hopeless romantic...or hopeless lang talaga?!

Last night i was textin with my college bestfriend...hayyyy and she was askin me about marriage and all that? What a crock of shit. ngayon pa talaga. dang. i dont wanna get married. i dont wanna have kids.


but deep inside me, i'm waiting...
waiting to be loved.


i'm tired of waiting for nobody.

i'm so fuckin stupid!

tangna...the trouble with hello isn't goodbye...
its the transition from happiness to sadness that melts in between.

mardi, novembre 22, 2005

Flying gagamba

Last nyt, i was sooo engrossed readin Robbin's (coz it was abt smokin) and then suddenly, a long-legged-flying spider flew over my study table! FUCK! panic attack!!! dang.

speakin of panics, i had another episode 2 hours before lunchtime...shockers. i was kinda scared of reportin for that pathophysio.... :( dami kseng saket eh. may cva na diabetic pa may congestive heart failure pa...and to sum it all up, anasarca. Yes. Chronic Kidney Disease. Patay tayo jan! yeah yeah yeah! fave ko talaga un renal topic pero dis is kinda challengin for me. my gulay! i havent checked my cel for like 2 hours....wahahhaha.

nyeta kanina lunch ang init sa labas. me, nat and bry went out to eat pero grrrrrr.... anyways, ok na ko now. ppl are helpin' me out na so im not so much of a paranoid anymore. speakin of paranoia, ive been sleepin for 2 consecutive classes na...not the entire lecture though pero the last minutes of both lectures. especially dr "you-know" 's class. hahahaha it was kinda interestin but i really cant help but doze off.. pero shockers. somethin kinda bothered me...i have symptoms of a bipolar...insomnia...initial and un second type..but not he terminal one. at least not schizo hehehe lucky me!?!

hay. badtrip i only have a few mins for my bloggin time. was busy fixin the report only to find out that dr marcial/carpio isnt around. great! anyways, i was happy the whole weekend. got to spend time w/ kabuts last fri nyt (he gave me flowers) ;p awwww hehehe. saw harry potter :) and bowled yday. old school huh?

hmmmm, this single-blessed thing has been on my mind for a long time na....oh well. what the fuck. i will wait padin naman til the water runs dry (naks.)

samedi, novembre 19, 2005

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get it down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind

So when will this end it goes on and on.Over and over and over again. Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop. Till I step down from this for good

I'm obsessed...ive been spending each and every night after my bad "break up" wondering why i always feel my bliss sublime. dang. i always have this sorta immune mechanism on break-ups, cool offs whatever people may call it. looks pretty much the same to me.

Ever since he broke up with me/cool off (a couple of mins before my bday! huwwwwwwat?!), its like i've built this great wall of china around me already! seems like everytime i see him, there's just so much hesitancy...too many inhibitions... I never imagined i'd feel this way about him. Since i realized this yesterday, i kinda looked for a way to fight myself...i planned a surprise for him...was gonna give him "piglet" chocolates....dang...cheesy, but the cheesiest and corniest acts of showing affection are the sweetest indeed. mamatay nalang sa inggit ang iba. hahaha. i know deep inside him, he'll feel sorta happy rin. but my plan didn't work out. he's was so fuckin' busy (eventhough he's at rehab med lang) to drop by the LRU just to see me!!! dang. my "surprise" was hopeless. no, let me correct that. I'm hopeless.
Tangina. now he's gonna ask me why i'm cold? he even made such lousy excuses that he couldn't text me coz he didn't have load!!! Now, what kind of a summa cum jologs excuse is that?!?!?!??!!??! aaaaaargh....i retired early yday night coz i was restless the night before. Went home after class, and there i slept. no more thinkin' fuckin' hard before i went to bed. it's not gonna be worth it for someone who can't even think of a way just to text me. Am i askin' for too much? dang! i wish this bloggin thing could speak back to me now!!!!!
I used to tell me lovesick friends na, "you can hold on as long as you want to, just make sure that there's Somebody to hold on to..." makes sense right? pero now that i'm in the "love-sick" situation, i just couldn't let go of him that easily...tangina. i dont know if this is just a phase or is it really true that we've grown apart?!
I woke up 12am...tryin' to study for my pharma exam. with oh-soooooooo good music in the background and nobody's textin me....oh no. do i really have that KSP syndrome?!?!?!?!??! or was i just wishing that somehow he'd remember to text me?or somebody else would text me????? i wanted to run away from everything last night...i turned of my phone...and tried to concentrate on the anti-fungals and anti-virals that were much much more interesting than my love life....yeah. fuckin right. now i'm levelin' myself to that.
While memorizin the most bizzare and weirdo anti-fungals/anti-virals, i heard EWF singin' "After the love is could you lead me on? When love is hard to fiiiiiiiind?" fuck. talk about bein hit (not by a lightning) but by a lightning and falling electrical post combined. :( m soooo sad. there were no tears though. i guess i ran out of tears cryin' during my birthday....
The only contradiction that happened to me last night was that despite all the sadness over my relationship, i was fantasizing again on an imaginary guy who'd fall for me....really hard. shempre, inspired by norah jones yung obsession na to over wishful thinkin'. i wonder if there's someone out there who'd care for me and love me sooooo much that even if i was in a mess, he'll understand me and wait for me to be okay and love me padin depite all my imperfections?!!?!? shet, hindi yata boyfriend hanap ko eh...tanga yata.
i'm sooooo confused right now. confused? hopeless? or maybe frustrated!!!!! it's like i'm slowly beginning to believe that there's nobody out there for me....parang its so impossible for men to be oh so faithful and lovin' and carin'. maybe i should just forget about daydreaming...oops wrong term....night-awake-dreaming...its such a fuckin sick cycle....i'm tired of it...i'm gonna give up the obsession of having somebody to take care of me til i get old....having somebody to love me so much.........kahet not even much....just somebody who'll LOVE ME. trully. oh well, this blog is about closing cycles.

vendredi, novembre 18, 2005

Sleepless nights

nother sleepless and restless night. woke up 11:30 pm...dang. wasnt able to get some zzzzzz's anymore. i'm not blamin' it on the caffeine. i only had one mug of coffee...i'm not blamin' it on cigarettes either...i only had...(nuninuninu) hehehe. basta i'm not blamin it on the cigarette. haha!

there's something about being sleepless that fascinates me...yeah yeah i'm kinda tired but it seemed like i'm able to concentrate harder and i feel more alive. maybe i just really don't like sleepin'. although i know that my body needs to reinvigorate, i still enjoy being a zombie........ hehehe... Sunset, sunrise...humhum.

i used to have this diary...its called a 'sunset, sunrise diary' coz i'm always up and i get to experience viewin the amazin beauty of the sunset and the sunrise...i know my place is far-fetched from a pent, but the view from my window is really nice....

makes me wonder...while the whole world is asleep...i'm up thinking endlessly about multitudes of topics...fantasies, things that i wanna do, people i wanna meet, and everything, anything i could think of... well well, most of it is just about love... nyahahahaha. i even thought about this freakin' dose-response curve for pain. hahaha! whatta crazy idea.

My dose-response curve for pain states that, given a certain infliction of pain, a person will respond like the way a bacterium grows (weird huh?) there's this log phase = No response, lag phase= minimal, little response, and Exponential phase = Maximal response.

hahaha! talk about geekiness mixed with my punch-drunk-love state! harharhar... freakin' nice song..."Come Away with Me" by Norah Jones...makes me wish so much that someday, somebody will be sooooooooooooooooo crazy enough to fall for me...and love there's no tomorrow.

I got this text message from nins: "Find a guy who calls u beautiful instead of hot, who calls u back when u hang up on him,who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.Wait for the guy who kisses ur forehead,who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, wait for the one who constantly reminds you of how much he cares about you, and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "she's the one.." Sheeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!! talk about double awwwwwwwww with a capital A-W-W-W-W-W!!!! i could die if i found a guy who'll treat me that way...i really wanna be pampered coz i wanna pamper my guy also...

last nyt, while i was tryin to sleep...i made something up...this is the result of ultimate kabangagan... here goes: "Can you let me care for you without any strings attached?If you suddenly go away, my life won't be a mess...but i'm sure it'll be like watchin fire eat up my house...and all that's left is dust...soon ascending into nothingness...I'm not askin for you to care for me....Just staring at you makes me smile, makes my heart leap, drowns me in drunkeness...." ?!?!?!?! so weird noh? talk about dreamin and picking up lines and words from the stars.

jeudi, novembre 17, 2005


if there's one thing ive learned so far from my stay here at medschool today, it is to SAVE UR FILE! fuckin bitch jolog computer! i was soooo done with my blog entry for today and my computer suddenly hanged! talk about letting it all out and swallowing your vomitus in!!!! grrrr!

anyway, i was just makin kwento of what happened to me last nite...i was such in a hyper-sinisipag-ako-magaral-mode coz i took so much coffee..the hype was sooo sudden...i just found myself enjoying at marvelling at the wonders of obstetrics! i wasnt even content with reading apmc, i even consulted wheater's for the histologic progression of the generative organ of pregnancy!!! talk about passion man!!!

and then i began wonderin...what happened to me for the past year? it seemed like i never discovered the wonders of anatomy, physiology, neuro-anatomy, psychiatry and biochemistry?!?!!?! what happened to me? when i was at pre-med, i used to dream about readin all of those stuff...but when i began medschool, parang all my passions suddenly disappeared!!! what the hell? and then i began to rationalize while sipping a mug of black coffee...and then je regrette,

maybe the reason is that ive always been a person who seeks for new ventures all the time....what's good about it is that i never compromised med sch coz of my other interests...bad thing was...i guess i lost control of my time management... now im beginning to wonder, what if i really indulged in the basics of medicine? would i become a better doctor??? i guess sooooo... but if i dropped all my interests, would i have become a better person? of course not..

I guess there's so much to say about the complexity of who i am. i guess my friends are right...i'm complicated. but i love bein complicated...because that's what makes me, ME. if i was some just monotonous studying geek....i guess i wouldn't be happy.

mercredi, novembre 16, 2005

There's a somebody I'm longing to see: I hope that he Turns out to be...Someone who'll watch over me.I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood...I know I could..Always be good..To one who'll watch over me....

Familiar? this famous song gives me the pseudo-nostalgic, wishful thinking mood. I don't know why i'm such a sucker for that feeling. Maybe, i want to fall in love all over again. I've forgotten the feeling of having kilig moments, non-stop pretentious denials of "not being in love" when deep inside i know i am. I miss the adventure of guessing if the person likes you, what to do next, waking up early in the morning and planning the day ahead with him...waiting for his phonecall...and pretending not to care if ever he does... all of a sudden, im confused...i have a boyfriend naman, how come i want to fall in love again? (and not necessarily with him?!)

Maybe this is a sign that my long-time-serious-used-to-be-fun relationship is kinda on the rocks right now..seems like we're not eager to see each other anymore, we don't surprise each other anymore and we rarely have kilig moments...i'm confused. i know i love him, but why do i get this feeling of wanting to be single again? but if i'm single naman, i know there will be so many moments that i'm gonna die of misery coz i'm not with him...ang labo. i really can't understand myself. All i know is that, the only thing that's stopping me from looking for somebody else is the fact that i know i'm gonna hurt him if ever he finds out. and i can't bear that. i don't want to ever see him sad, more so, me, being the cause of the despair.

pero still the dilemma is stuck in my head.....whenever i hear kilig love songs, or watch romatic movies, there's still this thought in my head na i'm gonna have moments like those with my prince charming. (not necessarily my bf) parang somebody better will come along...i guess i'm just a sucker for love. i guess i'm not satisfied with the way he's treating me...i can't blame him din naman coz its his clerkship...pero what if, he finishes off with clerkship, will he change kaya? i just hope he does, before i decide to let go of him...