mardi, novembre 28, 2006

Gone with the Wind

"Its better to have nobody, than to have somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there then suddenly disappears."

I was born into a world that made me believe in the permanence of the fundamental things in life. According to Jean Piaget's stages of cognitive development , the first essential process in attaining functional cognition is the sensorimotor stage, attained from birth to 2 years of life. In this period, we learn how to differentiate ourselves from other objects, and realize that things continue to exist even when they are cannot be perceived by our senses. Clinicians test this developmental stage, by showing an object (eg. ball) to the patient and hides it after wards. Children, who have fully developed this stage, reacts by crying, or looking for the object that was hidden. Those who have problems with cognition or those who have not yet reached the age of maturity (2 years old), will not react in a negative way because they fail to perceive that something is missing.

I am now 24 years old, the golden age of abstract thinking. sameness. distortion. disengagement. I have learned that NOT all things are permanent. Some good things never last. Old habits die hard. People say that the only constant thing in this world is change. I disagree. Constancy is relative to our imagination. Change is too much of a word to comprehend.

I am heartbroken because I am growing old. Gone were the days that nothing else mattered to me, as long as im with my friends, playing, talking, watching tv. Now, I began to have this sense of being incomplete and I really hate it. Why do i have to meet someone who makes me feel whole? Making me believe that the world is mine and he is my world. Why did I ever have to attain that sense of sameness, only to find out after 22 years, that it will break me?

Like what ive said, i search of answers in bleak places.

One has to have something, before he can lose it. You can never lose something you never had. Maybe I had him once. Or i was made to believe that i had him. Whether i had him or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I should learn to let things pass, as if they won't stay long, or as if they won't stay at all.

10 commentaires:

Mags a dit…

so true..i almost believe things never's as if we're just borrowing them from reality and then suddenly will be taken away from us...mahirap umasa na things will stay the same, pero it's in hoping that we learn things never really stay as is..haay..just hold on. i know someone out there is hoping to find you too..=p

marge a dit…

ang nega mo na naman, gf. :(

object permanence. sa psych din dun. kahit daw hindi na natin nakikita yung isang bagay, alam natin na andyan lang yun. exmaple yung batang buhat ng nanay. kakayanin nya lang maglakad palayo ng konti sa nanay nya kung may object permanence na sya... kung alam nya na na kahit lumayo sya, andyan pa din yung nanay nya. isang example pa yung pag naglalaro ng peek-a-boo. kahit magtago yung nanay sa likod ng kamay nya, alam nung bata na andun lang yung nanay nya sa likod.

in short, andyan pa din yung love. we may not find it in the same person, pero andyan pa din. hindi man natin kita ngayon, andyan lang yun. yun ang object permanence.

(andami ko pa gusto sabihin... kaya lang uber haba na nito kaya in person na alng yung iba. ;p

psyche a dit…

:D wow im so touched :) shempre matapos kong i-plug ng paulit-ulit hehe :D U guys have a point. Pero hindi naman un love un object eh. Yung person. Its hard when someone made u believe in "forever", and then it almost became a second nature to u, tapos mawawala without warning. Alam ko hindi naman cguro sha masama. nagkamali sha, and i was unlucky to be there at that moment.

Pero whats painful is, he was certain that he's wrong with leaving me, yet he still let me go. Asan ang love dun? Ewan ko kung maniniwala pako that he loved me. I dont even know if he actually did. Im just certain that at one point in his life he was fond of me. Pero im a woman. (hahaha nakakatawa pero totoo.) o cge, down-grade onti. im a lady. i dont need fondness. Ano ko? Laruan? Ayoko ng ganun. Eto na ata ang realization na super painful, yet will put everything to its place. Only a few things are permanent. We will be lucky to be blessed if we meet someone who'll never leave us.

Anonyme a dit…

de moi - Monsieur totoy saging

Sometimes, no matter how much you loved someone, they can't just love you back the same way. But I am hoping, you find someone who can love you back the same way you can love him.

J'espère que vous serez toujours heureux..

au revoir mme. manel

psyche a dit…

Whoa. totoy saging, marunong kang magfrench?! im so thrilled! anyway, thanks. I will be happy :-)

chelsea a dit…

anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realize that nothing really belongs to them. and if nothing belongs to me, then theres no point wasting my time looking after things that arent mind.

--> maria's thoughts from paolo coelho's 11 minutes

Nat a dit…

if you keep on convincing yourself that everything is only temporal, you will rob yourself of the happiness each moment your life will bring.

dance as if no one's watching and love like you've never been hurt.

don't be scared, manny. life still has so much to offer.


psyche a dit…

im not scared. i just dont want my life to be a cycle of sorrows. i think im lucky i have experienced love at least. :p ok na un.

miguel a dit…

i agree! change is too huge a word to understand! but whether we like it or not, sometimes we have to accept changes otherwise we will get stagnant. we just have to go on with it!

u are broken hearted u say, i am too! awwww! waaaaaaaaaaa!

coffee tau doki! =)

soulfoolchic a dit…

"Its better to have nobody, than to have somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there then suddenly disappears."

I agree. Sadly it is a hard fact of life that "People always leave."

People come and go. And all we gotta do is deal with it. Borrow ako nyan ha! HAHAHA post ko sa blog ko! HAHAHA