mercredi, mai 31, 2006

fly away
just like the leaves of a summer day
the clouds are watching
and i cannot cry

for the heavens will know my secret
and would hide the stars from me tonight
i smoke
wishin that just like the leaves
all that i have will fly away


vendredi, mai 19, 2006

i'm this bored.

1. Will u still love the person who once hurt u?
> of course. its never love without pain. pero it really depends din eh. i have some rules that cant be violated.

2. Will u go out on a date with a person u know
who is already committed with someone?
> nope

3. Would u steal the person u love most from ur
> no. coz i'll never be happy knowing that someone's hurting bec of me.

4. What's the nicest thing ul do for love??
> letting him be.

5. What's the least thing ul do for love??
> totally forget myself.

6. Will u give ur ex a second chance??
> no. and make that exes.

7. What was the best thing uve done for the
person u love??
> number 5

8. If u get stuck on an elevator with your ex what
will you say?
> i'll let out a stinky fart! hahahaha no words. actions speak louder than words! bwahahaha

9. Will u give ur partner a big kiss in front of many
> what's a big kiss? is there a small one? of course i can.

10.If ur ex fooled u once, will u give another set of
trust to him/her?
> nope.

11. What will u do if u caught ur partner with
someone else inside your room or bed?
> hmmm dont know. depends who.

12. If you will be given a choice. Will u drink a
bottle of wine one-on-one with ur partner or with ur
crush only the two of u inside the room?
> ehr...partner.

13. If you can only save one person on a crashing
plane, and u dnt know anybody there, who would it
> the person nearest to me.

14. You are with your partner on a party. Your ex
asked you to dance with her/him even for a couple
of minutes. Will you dance with her/him knowing ur
partner is right there beside u?
> no. and even if he wasnt beside me, i wont!

15. Will u still give a present to ur ex on her/his
very special occasion?
> no

16. If u hear the word love who comes into ur mind
> the color red. hehe

17. You won 2 tickets for a concert. Who will you
> depends what concert.

18. Will u do a big favor for ur ex?. Now that
you're already friends??
> sure no prob

19. Now, who u are thinking about?? Ur partner, ur
ex or ur crush??
> b.

20. Who do you love most, ur ex, crush, or your
present and why?
> i cant compare.

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!" --- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

jeudi, mai 11, 2006

Once dry, but never dead.

For a long time I dwelled in tranquility. My master used to hide me beyond the depths of her forsaken soul, as though I am though she thought I never existed. She never questioned my presence, but her angst and indifference conditioned me to be seemingly motionless, dry and probably dead.

She held in me a prisoner of her own doubt, of her own strength , of her own weakness...and of her own bitterness. She has shamefully secluded me for a long time. Yes, she made me ignorant of reality. I was a symbol of my master's desolation. But little did I know that she silently suffered as her stillness and optimism protected from this cruel world.

The moment she allowed me to breath, was a point of facing reality in the raw...not only for her, but for me as well. Slowly, as I drew back from nothingness, I began to perceive what was concealed... what was kept for a long time... what was real.

I heard his voice. I heard him say goodbye. My master tried to be still, she tried to be calm, but nevertheless the bitterness of parting drowned her being, as though it possessed her and as though it chained her soul. For the first time I realized who my master is. She was not an object of weakness, but a symbol of strength. She was not an object of hate, but a symbol of love... but even though she loved, fate wasn't just kind to her. The man who touched her heart, seemingly broke it too.

I was not amazed by her grief. I was not amazed by her bitterness, but rather I was amazed at how she accepted she took in all the pain, how she managed to say "goodbye and just be happy with her" with utmost sincerity, and most of all, I was deeply amazed at how she managed to let go of him, without hesitation, but with the willingness of a bold soul. Even if she knew he deceived her... she returned him the boundless understanding which he never deserved. Eventhough I never heard it, I knew she loved him.

Deliberately, she allowed me to breath. I realized I wasn't dead, but I was just kept. I realized I never really existed, until she created me. Since right that very moment, when I perceived that she was my creator. I realized how favored I was to have been conceived in her midst. I, grateful than ever, began comforting her as though I was a delineation of hope, I told her to just let go, and that she deserves someone better. Wanting to somehow ease her pain, I told her that life has to go on, with or without him and that she should let go of love, because she doesn't own it. I told her it will come back when it wills. and that someone out there is truly meant for her, and that it might be him, only she has to wait. And as though she heard everything that I said, she took a deep breath... and slowly, she touched me... and kept me in her midst, where I know I will dwell forever...

I am now dry... and maybe dead.
But I was the tear, which she once brought to life...
I used to be the symbol of her desolation, of her weakness, and of her bitterness...
and now that I am dead... I am a symbol of her acceptance, of her love... and probably of the reality she once tried to conceal...

wrote this a few years ago...feels weird...hehe
woke up 9am and went to the bathroom. As i was brushing my teeth, and what kevin said hit me again.

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intellect"

Well, come to think of it, we live most of our lives satisfying our imaginations. *hmmm*. Methinks that i gotta stop thinking before i put shampoo in my toothbrush *wtf?!* yes it happened to me twice already.

well well another hot summer day. :D was watching "Princess Hours/ Goong". Its a korean series. it sooo nice and really funnee *teehee* korean dvds really make me laugh, smile and giggle all over again like a 12 year old peeping on her crush. wahahahah. *giggles*

on the other hand, i began thinking of med school again. i miss my friends from school and some of my classmates too. *ahem* hehe. i'm hoping surgery wont be that hard.... shucks thinking of the subjects palang im gettin lazy already. ok now i know that i have to snap out of it. hehe is a super funny website of a gay fashionista. she's like the "gay lord" of the philippines. well at first i hated him coz he's such a materialistic, superficial and ruthless biatch but then i guess he's just livin the role he wanna live. and yes. thats bein a faggot. hehe :) hes really funny. the way he writes stuff, the way he expresses himself...its so gay. hi dont care if he's rich, if he has bags from chanel, fendi, lv and name it he has it, he's funny because i cant imagine a person livin a colorful life like the way he does. thinkin of gettin slim wen he looks soooo anorexic already. hes so obsessed with himself and its so funny. haha.

well who isnt vain nowadays?* teehee *

dont u just love drinkin tea and listening to jazz/classical/house music and smoking at the same time????? hoot hoot. my bad. still smokin.