how can i have somebody i don't own? how can i lose somebody i never had? We don't lose the person. We lose a part of ourselves..and in the end it doesn't really matter.. because the more we lose ourselves, the more we find ourselves. We don't change. We just grow.

i made that last night. the sincerest thoughts comes without thought blocking when ur kinda tipsy. was listening to dishwalla for the nth time. As i raised my hand to give a toast for myself, then the thought hit me........ im free :) ima good. ir really is liberating to drink sometimes. i never enjoyed drinkin this much except when im drinking wine instead. i was drinking vodka cruiser last night. tasted too sweet so i added more vodka. thanks to my best bud, Ek for giving me the idea to drink alone. hehe ;0

i love my friends, and those people id want to help in the future.

sometimes the same thought hit me....... whats d purpose of my life? whats d meaning of my life? purpose........meaning........ so many thoughts so little time.

hope we find the meaning of waking up everyday. i wish i could wake up everyday with a smile on my face. not that i aint smilin but im usually expressionless. boring.

wanna go to paris

fall in love again

talk to strangers without gettin scared

wanna learn how to ride a bike

eat ice cream in the park

smell flowers and gaze at them

wanna go on top of the mountain

even if i have to go down again

watch the sunset with the one i love

watch the sunrise with the one i watched the sunset with

live today as if its my last chance at life

i wanna swim again

swim at a nice quiet beach

wanna visit london.

wanna do so many things.

in a nutshell.....

...
..
.

figure me out.

You Are 72% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

A collection of destiny

des-ti-ny
The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one's lot.

A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control: “Marriage and hanging go by destiny” (Robert Burton).

The power or agency thought to predetermine events: Destiny brought them together.

[Middle English destine, from Old French destinee, from feminine past participle of destiner, to destine, from Latin destinare, to determine.]

here are several definitions of destiny, but the way i see it...

its when free will coincides another's free will. The beauty of destiny lies in its inevitability, and at the same time its flexibility. Destiny is flexible when interfered with free will. The dilemma lies in the extent of being in a "free" state of mind.

Only a few things matter in this world. Most of which are the things that we do. Doesn't matter so much what we think. It only becomes something of prime importance if we act upon it.
---
Was watchin some korean flick awhile ago and i noticed that most people (ahem) dont say what they really mean. its so weird. since when did we learn to become like that? Its something that distinguishes us from kids. and like what Dr. House always says, "Everybody lies".. whether its a little lie, a white one, black or a big one... it usually causes some trouble.

life's full of dilemmas.

dilemmas remain dilemmas

and they just add up in my blog. hehe.

Heartaches will last as long as you want them to...

somebody told me this before or ive read that somewhere, and ive always kept that in mind. but right now, nothing seems to work...my strength seems to wear off... everything i do... reading books, listening to music, browsing thru my stuff... everything seemed to remind me of him..

im not searching for him...yet y does everything seem to remind me of him? havent i learned enough? i wanna move on. fall in love with myself all over again.

i wanna forget...but why does everything seem to against what i plan to do?

............................ anyways, in my attempt to forget abt him, ill just talk abt a documentary that captured my heart last night. (oh nice. the word "heart" reminded me of him!?)

well, i was searching for something interesting last night, and i watched iwitness. its a tv show in gma7. jay taruc made this documentary entitled, "gutom". its was indeed an eye-opener. moreso, it was a tear-jerker. yes, my pseudo-maangas face softened, and i cried.

it was about the poor families living along manila...those who didnt have enough to eat. :( i dont wanna go back to expensive restaurants anymore. not even to starbucks or the coffeeshops i always hangout at... the cup of coffee i drink, even costs more than a family living at vaseco can earn per day :( such a very sad thought. i hope there was smething all of us can do to help them.

... un lang muna. m not in d mood to write muna.

Last night, in my efforts to escape boredom, i turned on my ever-reliable tv (again) and i watched 'the apocalypse' its a show, that was made to inform the public about the bible codes and how they work. It was pretty interesting.... really, but i was wondering, what do they decipher those for?

It think theyre desperately trying too hard to gaze into the future. Its like astrology, wherein the positions of the stars and the year you were born have a significance in your daily life.

Well, personally, everything in this world, in its own spatial design and purpose, (especially the ones we often ignore) have a significance in our lives. Its just that living all your life in the shadow of trying to decipher all the meanings behind everything will make you crazy (and funny). Its interesting to once in awhile try to pre-empt whats gonna happen next but its wiser to make sound decisions whether wrong or right.

Life is great big puzzle. All we can do is find clues on how to live it, and place our blessings where they should belong.... and in the end, this makes us whole.

i wrote something the other night, and irregardless if u guys could "decipher" is meaning or appreciate its content, up to u.

Close your eyes, and you think you can't see a thing. So, all if us become "blind", every so often. The world is fast, the mind is too slow. With every blink of an eye, time has changed and everything else does. It doesn't have to be painful, but if it persists long enough, we begin to perceive.

We're blinded with every blink of an eye, and no matter how hard we try to keep our eyes open, it can only do for so long. We have to blink, to see again. If we don't, our visions blur and our eyes well up with tears.

"The eyes are the windows to the soul" We have to blink and stop once in awhile to see again. If we lose sight of what lies ahead, we could blink and wipe away the tears. It's when we sleep, wherein our minds gain magic.

What can't be seen isn't always right, and what we can't is not always a dream.

It ain't over TIL ITS OVER

Im such a love-fool. I love talking and listening about stories of love and how it conquers all. And in between love and the thin line that separates it from its mystery, i find myself trapped and drowned in the own concepts that i've held on to. Love is indeed so great that it shakes the entirety of my ego, and its boundaries.

It makes me happy to love --- and yes, im very crazy coz it gives me pain just the same. Love makes me childish, childlike... and everything that pertains to uncontrollable yearning of a 3-year-old kid for ice cream (disclaimer: i still am a 3-year-old when it comes to loving ice cream ;p )

I long to stare at the eyes that seem to discover all that i am, those eyes that makes me feel naked, though i'm not. And yet to overcome the shame of it all. Ill allow that person to look at me like that all over again.

Whats was wrong with what ive done, is that I let him stare at me endlessly and he got used to it that he no longer wants to discover whats left of me. Thats what hard about loving... its like drinking alcohol for the 1st time. You never know you're drunk till u aleardy passed out...and whats left of you the next day, are headaches and hangovers and blurred memories of what used to be.

it ain't over til its over.
lets dwell in drunkeness forever....

yesterday all my troubles seemed so faaaaaaaaaaaar away. hehehe :) my face laughs, my heart aches. awwwwwwwwwwwww.... this thing abt not communicating to him to make him realize how much he has taken me for granted is like trying to drown in the dead sea.

i woke up this morning and i checked my fone, hoping that he texted. or at least somebody did. where's everyone? hmmmmmmmm...nobody texted me. its been 4 days i havent made any move, and i feel awful... he doesnt seem to communicate too (except last sunday) im afraid that if i make a move, i will FOREVER be taken for granted (i wont allow that) Is this the end?

A famous line in a song echoes in my head, "you only get what u give"... where have i gone wrong? i dont think i deserve to be ignored... ever. ive been good to him... i guess some people just appreciate another if theyve lost him/her already.

he's losing me bit by bit and what stings is that he's "too busy" to notice.

Your Personality Profile

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky. Like mother nature, you want to help everyone. You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive. A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker. You are good natured and people enjoy your company. You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You're open to new people and friends, which makes you a pretty popular person. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

ive been watching the whole 1st season of one tree hill (ive been soooooo deprived) anyways, its nice. but one thing i realized, is that u should not watch it on a marathon (like what i always do)... meanings get loose and u simply miss out on some points. wala lang. i wonder what am i gonna do for the 8 weeks of my vacation? dont know. just wanna spend time at home, sometime with my friends..........and what else... paint, draw, write, read read read all the good books ive missed. m reading gabriel garcia marquez now, and an alexander dumas book that i half-read when i was in high school ;p

its weird, what mattered to me when i was younger doesnt matter as much to me now... is this what getting old is all about? hmmmmmmmm... oh well. life goes on.

4 days to go and its over!!!!!!
wooohooooo summer na.

the past two weeks have been hellish for me.
toxic toxic toxic!

i missed bloggin!

last night i was with nina, peimon, wena and mel. We went to coffee bean at t morato to have some coffee and study nadin. this is my 2nd attempt tp study for pharma. hay. i only finished one handout thyroid drugs pa... hay, i wish i wont be sooo dead with tomorrow's exam. sana wala nang exam for anti-neoplastic!!!!

im so lucky today coz i woke up late 7:30am i was tooo sleepy to get up so i didnt go to sch for my cp integ class, bahala na si batman! pero what happened was, the class was canceled for no reason!!!! wooooooooooooooohooooooooooo! ;p pero syang, i didnt get a glimpse of dr lopez. hwek hwek!

i'm in school now. i didnt attend neuro (not that im lazy pero mejo) kasi i was 35 mins late and im embarrassed to go inside the lec hall. what is it with me and getting late??? hmmm, cguro its so psychological, coz when i was small, (i lived in rizal) i go to school early coz my mom wake's my up 4:30 am. (i go to st paul pasif btw) sooo mejo malayo. i got used to sleeping in tha car and my driver wakes me up nalang when we're in school na.

after 6 years of living independently, (without my mom to wake me up) i guess i havent really adjusted yet. hmmmm, or is it just the thought of my school bein near that makes me take a bath longer than i should? ;p hmmmmmmm, answer is! DALAGA NA KO. hwek hwek. kiddin.

hmmmmmmm, i have a new blog topic! i thought of this last night. i think there's no such thing as being sad. its only a combination of lack of happiness, and yearning for it at the same time... which makes it a state of mind.

oh well, last night, i kinda lacked happiness coz my bf forgot out monthsary (26th month!!!!! cguro he forgot about it like 20 times na.... wait lang

this is a very interesting article :) enjoy

Love is the drug
Romance may be tied to reward system that can cause addiction
By Rhonda Grayson
CNN


Tuesday, February 14, 2006 Posted: 1705 GMT (0105 HKT)

Researchers say that romantic love triggers reward centers in the brain.

Doing something novel triggers dopamine in the brain, which stimulates feelings of attraction.


And stare into your partner's eyes. Psychologist Art Aron conducted an experiment in which he had pairs of the opposite sex stare into each other's eyes for about two minutes. Most of the couples who were strangers reported feelings of attraction. One couple went on to get married.


It's an intense craving for the person they adore. But just how does the brain process romantic love?

Anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of "Why We Love," studied the brain circuitry that makes falling in love the intense, passionate emotion it is. She found that the brain sees romantic love as a reward, stimulating activity in the same areas that light up when a person seeks any kind of a reward, whether it's chocolate, money or drugs.

"It became apparent to me that romantic love was a drive -- a drive as strong as thirst, as hunger. People live for love, they kill for love, they die for love, they sing about love," Fisher said.

"There are myths and legends about love. The oldest love poetry is over 4,000 years old. The world is littered with all kinds of artifacts that stem from this basic mating drive."

Fisher went on a quest to unravel the mystery of the brain in love. She teamed up with Art Aron, a psychologist and professor at Stony Brook University in New York and Lucy Brown, a professor in neurology and neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York.

They studied 17 people who recently had fallen madly in love -- people who were spending 80 percent of their waking hours not being able to think of anybody else. The subjects had been in love an average of seven months.

The findings were published last year in the Journal of Neurophysiology.

For the study, Fisher developed a questionnaire about passionate love, including such questions as "Would you die for your partner?" She said she was shocked by the answers to that query: All of the subjects said they would.

What especially surprised her was the casual way in which they responded.

The participants were put into an MRI machine and asked to stare at photographs of their sweethearts and then neutral photos that called for no positive or negative feelings. When the researchers were able to look inside the brain in love, they said they were struck by the results.

The part of the brain that lit up the strongest was that associated with rewards and pleasure, a finding not nearly as poetic as romantics would have thought. It turns out that, to the brain, love is just another reward, much like chocolate or money, or like a drug to an addict. This brain system gets used every time you want something.

Romantic love, it turns out, is a reward, the researchers say.

"We certainly think of romantic love as something that's magical, and the magic is here and here," Brown said, pointing to the part of the brain that lit up during the experiment, the brain stem region known as the ventral tegmental area. There, pigmented cells known to contain dopamine send messages to a part of the brain called the caudate nucleus.

When Brown started the study, she said she thought she was studying a strong positive emotion.

"Now I have changed the way I think about early-stage romantic love," she said. "It's a motivation; the person [we're in love with] is a goal. Emotions come and go. We feel euphoria, but we feel anxiety, too. This core system that is driving the person who is in love toward their sweetheart, that is much more important in a sense than an emotion."

Aron added, "When you're intensely in love, and especially if it's being reciprocated, there is an incredible sense of exhilaration. You feel this person is the most wonderful person in the world, and if they were part of you -- if you were together -- your life would be perfect."

Fisher agreed: "Romantic love is not only an emotion, it's a basic mating drive, and it's stronger than the sex drive."

Although the early characteristics of romantic love don't last forever -- the pounding heart, the obsessive thinking and craving -- in good relationships they will transfer to a different level, a stage of love called "attachment," Fisher said.

In her own studies of more than 800 people older than 45, Fisher found that they showed just as much romantic passion as those under 25.

In fact, romantic love can be triggered at any age. Fisher said she interviewed an 8-year-old boy who perfectly described his intense passion for an 8-year-old girl. She said she also knows couples in their 70s and 80s who are madly in love.

When asked if placing love under a microscope takes away some of the mystery and romance, Fisher smiled.

"You can know every ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake, and you still sit down and eat that chocolate cake and it's wonderful," she said. "In the same way, you can know all the ingredients of romantic love and still feel that passion."

ive been soo dizzy the entire day

7am patho post test, slept through forensic pathology
12 lunch with nat at the hosp. so full and sleepy
1am ob lecture with dra lee.... i spent the last 15 mins sleeping...
2am med... my patient is a nyc,old guy. :)

wala lang...

hmmmm, what's the worst way to miss someone? wala just a thought.

i'm watchin saturday night live right now...kinda funny n relaxin' really... oh well, my mind is filled of thoughts as usual. ee cummings (one of my favorite poets) drives me crazy ones again. There's this side of me that once made me wonder, what would life be if i werent in med school? (not that i hate med sch, but i just have my moments) i guess i would be in law school...or....possible workin already right now... i was thinking, would i be a different person? well, i guess not really.... i'd only have a different perspective in life. there is so much in life that i'd want to conquer...i wanna travel.. go to europe, africa.... and maybe, north america... i find the places kinda interesting... i also wanna draw more, paint more. ( i miss painting ever if im not so good w/ brushes) makes me discover so much moreabout myself. i miss my high school friends, and my college friends too... i hope we'll have a reunion someday...

i'm bein so weird... is this the effect of beta-blockers? hwek hwek... i just took my metoprolol 15 mins ago... i'm still hoping that the cause of my hypertension will be determined soon... was it bec of my lymphocytic thyroiditis? (which is so rare i dunno hw in the world did i get it) or do i have pheochromocytoma? whats worse if if i have sle or any collagen disease or autoimmune disease...i dont have symptoms though... whats so hard abt getting sick when ur in med school is everyday im being faced with the torture of constantly hearing abt the effects of hypertension and what nots.... i hope everything wil be fine................ after all the stressful ancillaries, and my fnab......

i hope ill get well soon...

life is really complicated...

wen i was young, i thought everything s easy...
now that im getting older,
things are getting more n more complicated.

falling in love...
getting sick...
watchin my family break loose...

all i can do is be silent...and type...and watch saturday night live.

i was just browsing thru the net when i saw a nice wedding pic, and suddenly i thought of my own "wedding" ceremony.... well, honestly, before i didnt wanna get married (not that i do now) but i dont really get to think of it. i guess, it was just my fear eating me. endless stories about broken marriages and unhappy endings are scary for me. i dont wanna be a "separada".

well anyways, wala lang. if ever i get married, i want it to be a simple one. a very simple, yet elegant wedding :) ang question lang... "with whom?!" hehe oh well....

i dnt wanna answer that muna

The History of Valentine's Day

Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.


According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.

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Puppies For Sale

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about Nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he Felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy.
Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer.
And with that he let out a whistle,"Here,Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself To a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need Someone who understands."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

Jealousy is the act of turning away your head toward's somebody who intimidates you.

i think this is real jealousy.

anyways, wala lang :)