pink dress

that lady

ahem.

that half-lady (i mean)

hehe.

keeps me smiling.


crumble.

ive got no time to crumble.

Drawn Out Lyrics
by Dishwalla

so the lines are lost
on the smallest details
of the life that we tossed
pushed out over the rail
and the wounds run deep
through the one man so bad
he's fallen beneath
the touch of your hand

and its all drawn out
there's nothing inside
and nothing to hold
nothing to find
its wearing' me out
this feeling inside
I'm all drawn out

and the promise we break it
and the reasons we fake it
bring us farther apart
from the love that we make
as the poisonous time
leaves us gasping for air
we run for the past
but were already there

and its all drawn out
there's nothing inside
and nothing to hold
nothing to find
and its wearing me out
this feeling inside
and its all drawn out
its all drawn out
I'm all drawn out

If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you


Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized

I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray


We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized

We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way

I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides

We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized

St Therese's poem


May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in
the sun. It is there for each and every one of you.

What does it mean when u dream about the same person over and over again?

ive been dreaming about this person for quite sometime now and it bothers me why i dream about him. hmmmmmm... one of my friends analyzed it for me actually, and he told me that subconciously, he is my ideal guy. (NOT!) Oh well...it just so weird. i dreamt of him like 7 times already and its always in a situation wherein we are running away from something. The dream it really sweet, but the fact that its about him is so anti-climactic.

Anyway, ive been listening to Sade. Sobrang galing. wala lang. hehe. My thougts herniate whenever i hear "Kiss of Life". Love that song. haaaaaaaaaaaay so many things i wanna do, pero so little time. hay. good luck with prelims people.

Later in life you'll learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You'll learn that love doesnt mean leaning and company doesnt mean security.You begin to learn that kissess arent contracts and presents arent promises. You learn to build all your roads today for tomorrow's grounds is too uncertain for your plans. After awhile, you'll learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and secorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You'll learn that you can endure, that your strong and that you have worth.

dinner for tonight:

oil.
water.
mucus.

only med students will get this.

I was watching "The Notebook", when it suddenly hit me, why do these cheesy love stories make me somehow wish that someone will love me that way. But then i thought, am i not being loved with the same amount, yet the only thing that makes it different is the era?

We live in a fast-paced life, wherein a single click, a single second can change our lives drastically. Isn't it amazing how "i love you" became so easy to say, or even express? The phrase is even a cliche! Sometimes we feel that the other person doesn't mean it anymore, but in reality, we're just hoping for magnified expressions. Big enoough for us to notice. The ones that really require so much effort. But is it just that, love is still the same, yet its expression has evolved, or it is the fact that the meaning of love just evolved through time?

Love conquers all.

History dictates what love can do. Its either its something great, or something so terrible enough to lose our sanity. After watching the paperback that turned into film, the feeling of envy is still right beneath my head. But right now im realizing, is it really something to envy about? Is it our faults that technology has evolved, and has tremendously made expression so much easier?

Sometimes its so nice to live a simple life. A life wherein not all things evolve and exist for our convenience... The simple acts are the ones that mean so much. A cheesy card, your guy going to your house just to ask you if he could take you to dinner tomorrow, a bunch of flowers that's hand-picked. Expressions of love arent supposed to be disposable, just like a text msg in your fone that you can delete. Its something that should stick to our memories. Something done out of convenience. and i go back to what i said. Love conquers all.... it conquers the comforts of the world we live in right now. It doesnt have to be hard, but it has to be done with meaning.

my gawd this is such an eye-opener.


Being Twenty-Something...

Being Twenty-Something (This puts it all into words perfectly.) They call it the Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.


You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is
acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.

You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

You know ive heard it said theres beauty in distorion
By some people who withdraw to find their head
And they say theres no humor in misfortune
No, i wonder if they'll laugh when i am dead


Why am i fighting to live
If im just living to fight
Why am i trying to see
When there aint nothing in sight
Why am i trying to give
When noone gives me a try
Why am i dying to live
If im just living to die

You know some people say that values are subjective
But theyre just speaking words
That someone else has said
And so they live and fight and kill with no objective
Sometimes its hard to tell the living from the dead


You know i used to weave
My words into confusion
And so i hope you'll understand me
When im through
You know i used to live my life as an illusion
But reality wil make my dream come true

So ill keep fighting to live
Till theres no reason to fight
And ill keep trying to see
Until the end is in sight
You know im trying to give
So come on
Give me a try
You know im dying to live
Until im ready to die

SCHOOL STARTS SOON! some helpful tips to be a nerdy hehe

1. Your brain loves color. Use colored pens – good quality, not gel pens – or use colored paper. Color helps memory.


2. Your brain can effectively focus and concentrate for up to 25 minutes (adults). Take a 10-minute break after every 20-30 minutes of studying. Go do some chores: rake the lawn, iron a shirt, vacuum. Come back after 10 minutes and do another focused, intense session.


3. Your brain needs to be rested to learn fast and remember best. If you are tired take a 20-minute nap first otherwise you are wasting your study time.


4. Your brain is like a motor: it needs fuel. You wouldn’t put dirty fuel in your Lamborghini (if you had one) or you wouldn’t put low quality fuel in a rocket, would you? Well, your brain is a much more valuable, intricate machine than either of those so feed it properly. Junk food and imitation food and all the chemicals and preservatives weaken both your body and your mind. In fact, a recent study in England showed that your IQ is affected by your diet.


5. Your brain is like a sea of an electro-chemical activity. And both electricity and chemicals flow better in water. If you are dehydrated you just don’t focus as well. Drink enough water (colored liquids – pop, juice, coffee, etc. – are not the same). Often times headaches are connected to dehydration, too.


6. Your brain loves questions. When you come up with questions in class or when reading a book, your brain automatically searches for answers, making the learning faster. A good question has more than one answer.


7. Your brain and body have their own rhythm cycles: there are times during the day when you are more alert than others. You will save time learning if you study during your peak periods. If you have a part-time job that happens during your peak period you may wan to reconsider if it is wise to be giving your employer your best learning time.


8. Your brain and body communicate constantly. If your body is slouched down, the message the brain gets is that “this is not important” and so it doesn’t pay as close attention. In any learning situation, sit up and lean forward to help keep your mind alert. Buy a good quality, adjustable office chair.


9. Your brain is affected by smells. Use aromatherapy to keep your brain alert. Peppermint, lemon and cinnamon are good ones to experiment with.


10. Your brain needs oxygen. Get out there and exercise.


11. Your brain needs space. Be sure that you are not trying to study in a small cramped area.


12. Your brain needs your space to be organized. One recent study showed that kids who grow up in tidy, organized homes do better academically. Why? Because by being trained to organize the outside environment, the brain learns to organize the internal knowledge…which makes recall faster. Buy a 4-drawer legal-sized filing cabinet.


13. Your brain cells in the hippocampus, a part of the brain that deals with putting information from short-term to long-term memory, are destroyed by cortisol, which is created when you are stressed. So, yes, stress affects memory. How do you get rid of cortisol? Exercise.


14. Your brain doesn’t know what you can’t do until you tell it.
What are you telling it? Listen to your self-talk. Stop the negativity. Replace it with more positive, encouraging talk.


15. Your brain is like a muscle: it can be trained and strengthened, at any age. No excuses. Stop being a mental couch potato. Professional athletes practice every day; you can practice homework everyday. If “you don’t have any”, make some up for yourself. Read ahead, review…do SOMETHING.


16. Your brain needs repetition. It is better to do short frequent reviews than one long review because what counts is how many times your brain sees something, not how long is sees it in one sitting.


17. Your brain can understand faster than you can read. Use a pencil or finger to “lead” your eyes. By doing so you help your eyes move more quickly.


18. Your brain needs movement, especially if you are mostly a kinesthetic (body movement) learner instead of a visual or auditory learner. You might find your productivity go up if you have a standing desk. Buy one or make one by raising your desk/table on blocks. This allows you to move more easily and stay more alert.


19. Your brain seeks patterns and connections. When you are learning something, ask yourself, “What does this remind me of?” This will also help your memory because it connects the new knowledge to something you already know.


20. Your brain loves fun. We learn in direct proportion to how much fun we are having. Learning is life. Live it up!

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them! You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you. Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible. While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks. Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

You Are French Food

Snobby yet ubiquitous. People act like they understand you more than they actually do.

What Kind of Food Are You?

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

fly away
just like the leaves of a summer day
the clouds are watching
and i cannot cry

for the heavens will know my secret
and would hide the stars from me tonight
i smoke
wishin that just like the leaves
all that i have will fly away

escalate.
gone.

i'm this bored.

1. Will u still love the person who once hurt u?
> of course. its never love without pain. pero it really depends din eh. i have some rules that cant be violated.

2. Will u go out on a date with a person u know
who is already committed with someone?
> nope

3. Would u steal the person u love most from ur
friend..?
> no. coz i'll never be happy knowing that someone's hurting bec of me.

4. What's the nicest thing ul do for love??
> letting him be.

5. What's the least thing ul do for love??
> totally forget myself.

6. Will u give ur ex a second chance??
> no. and make that exes.

7. What was the best thing uve done for the
person u love??
> number 5

8. If u get stuck on an elevator with your ex what
will you say?
> i'll let out a stinky fart! hahahaha no words. actions speak louder than words! bwahahaha

9. Will u give ur partner a big kiss in front of many
people?
> what's a big kiss? is there a small one? of course i can.

10.If ur ex fooled u once, will u give another set of
trust to him/her?
> nope.

11. What will u do if u caught ur partner with
someone else inside your room or bed?
> hmmm dont know. depends who.

12. If you will be given a choice. Will u drink a
bottle of wine one-on-one with ur partner or with ur
crush only the two of u inside the room?
> ehr...partner.

13. If you can only save one person on a crashing
plane, and u dnt know anybody there, who would it
be??
> the person nearest to me.

14. You are with your partner on a party. Your ex
asked you to dance with her/him even for a couple
of minutes. Will you dance with her/him knowing ur
partner is right there beside u?
> no. and even if he wasnt beside me, i wont!

15. Will u still give a present to ur ex on her/his
very special occasion?
> no

16. If u hear the word love who comes into ur mind
first?
> the color red. hehe

17. You won 2 tickets for a concert. Who will you
invite?
> depends what concert.

18. Will u do a big favor for ur ex?. Now that
you're already friends??
> sure no prob

19. Now, who u are thinking about?? Ur partner, ur
ex or ur crush??
> b.

20. Who do you love most, ur ex, crush, or your
present and why?
> i cant compare.


"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!" --- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Once dry, but never dead.

For a long time I dwelled in tranquility. My master used to hide me beyond the depths of her forsaken soul, as though I am lifeless...as though she thought I never existed. She never questioned my presence, but her angst and indifference conditioned me to be seemingly motionless, dry and probably dead.

She held in me a prisoner of her own doubt, of her own strength , of her own weakness...and of her own bitterness. She has shamefully secluded me for a long time. Yes, she made me ignorant of reality. I was a symbol of my master's desolation. But little did I know that she silently suffered as her stillness and optimism protected from this cruel world.

The moment she allowed me to breath, was a point of facing reality in the raw...not only for her, but for me as well. Slowly, as I drew back from nothingness, I began to perceive what was concealed... what was kept for a long time... what was real.

I heard his voice. I heard him say goodbye. My master tried to be still, she tried to be calm, but nevertheless the bitterness of parting drowned her being, as though it possessed her and as though it chained her soul. For the first time I realized who my master is. She was not an object of weakness, but a symbol of strength. She was not an object of hate, but a symbol of love... but even though she loved, fate wasn't just kind to her. The man who touched her heart, seemingly broke it too.

I was not amazed by her grief. I was not amazed by her bitterness, but rather I was amazed at how she accepted reality...how she took in all the pain, how she managed to say "goodbye and just be happy with her" with utmost sincerity, and most of all, I was deeply amazed at how she managed to let go of him, without hesitation, but with the willingness of a bold soul. Even if she knew he deceived her... she returned him the boundless understanding which he never deserved. Eventhough I never heard it, I knew she loved him.

Deliberately, she allowed me to breath. I realized I wasn't dead, but I was just kept. I realized I never really existed, until she created me. Since right that very moment, when I perceived that she was my creator. I realized how favored I was to have been conceived in her midst. I, grateful than ever, began comforting her as though I was a delineation of hope, I told her to just let go, and that she deserves someone better. Wanting to somehow ease her pain, I told her that life has to go on, with or without him and that she should let go of love, because she doesn't own it. I told her it will come back when it wills. and that someone out there is truly meant for her, and that it might be him, only she has to wait. And as though she heard everything that I said, she took a deep breath... and slowly, she touched me... and kept me in her midst, where I know I will dwell forever...

I am now dry... and maybe dead.
But I was the tear, which she once brought to life...
I used to be the symbol of her desolation, of her weakness, and of her bitterness...
and now that I am dead... I am a symbol of her acceptance, of her love... and probably of the reality she once tried to conceal...
-----

wrote this a few years ago...feels weird...hehe

woke up 9am and went to the bathroom. As i was brushing my teeth, and what kevin said hit me again.

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intellect"

Well, come to think of it, we live most of our lives satisfying our imaginations. *hmmm*. Methinks that i gotta stop thinking before i put shampoo in my toothbrush *wtf?!* yes it happened to me twice already.

well well another hot summer day. :D was watching "Princess Hours/ Goong". Its a korean series. it sooo nice and really funnee *teehee* korean dvds really make me laugh, smile and giggle all over again like a 12 year old peeping on her crush. wahahahah. *giggles*

on the other hand, i began thinking of med school again. i miss my friends from school and some of my classmates too. *ahem* hehe. i'm hoping surgery wont be that hard.... shucks thinking of the subjects palang im gettin lazy already. ok now i know that i have to snap out of it. hehe

www.bryanboy.com is a super funny website of a gay fashionista. she's like the "gay lord" of the philippines. well at first i hated him coz he's such a materialistic, superficial and ruthless biatch but then i guess he's just livin the role he wanna live. and yes. thats bein a faggot. hehe :) hes really funny. the way he writes stuff, the way he expresses himself...its so gay. hi dont care if he's rich, if he has bags from chanel, fendi, lv and name it he has it, he's funny because i cant imagine a person livin a colorful life like the way he does. thinkin of gettin slim wen he looks soooo anorexic already. hes so obsessed with himself and its so funny. haha.

well who isnt vain nowadays?* teehee *

dont u just love drinkin tea and listening to jazz/classical/house music and smoking at the same time????? hoot hoot. my bad. still smokin.