Haunted
Night is a mirror
My soul flew far,
far away.
Creeping echoes of my silence
bathed my memories
of you
My slumber longs to stop
Im awake, Daylight.
I am the same.
vendredi, décembre 01, 2006
All about me
Rainy days delight me. Draws out some emotions in my closet. I like analyzing complications. Mediocrity is for the bored and dull. Simple things make me smile. Nice shoes. Ice cream. Stars. Flowers. the smell of morning grass (without manure). sea shells. pigs.a nice cup of coffee. jelly ace. full moon. foiliage. I get thrilled when im at powerbooks. I fancy having a mansion with a nice lawn and garden. It has a big comfy bench wherein i will spend sunday mornings reading books with someone I love.
Failure and incompetence frustratesme. I overcompensate. I enjoy conversations, both intellectual and stupid ones. I like giving surprises and receiving them as well. Discoveries stimulate me. Sometimes im hyperactive, but boring lectures and heavy meals makes me somnolent. Once, i believed that accidentally ingesting seeds will transform me into a plant. So i ate some dalandan seeds, but nothing happened.
I believe that the most important things are learned through experience, but knowing the recognizable is very essential. I am insensitive, and sensitive and sometimes i realize things to soon or too late. Discipline is an art that i wanna master someday. I like bossa nova. Dishwalla keeps me sane. I like eating ice cream on the roof top while looking at the stars. When my imagination runs dry, i study. I contemplate endlessly.
My entire life is bloggable. I have bad habits that i wanna get rid of. I love my baby brother very much. I wanna travel someday. I collect postcards from coffee bean and tea leaf. i like watching madeleine and art attack. Repetitions bore me.
Rainy days delight me. Draws out some emotions in my closet. I like analyzing complications. Mediocrity is for the bored and dull. Simple things make me smile. Nice shoes. Ice cream. Stars. Flowers. the smell of morning grass (without manure). sea shells. pigs.a nice cup of coffee. jelly ace. full moon. foiliage. I get thrilled when im at powerbooks. I fancy having a mansion with a nice lawn and garden. It has a big comfy bench wherein i will spend sunday mornings reading books with someone I love.
Failure and incompetence frustratesme. I overcompensate. I enjoy conversations, both intellectual and stupid ones. I like giving surprises and receiving them as well. Discoveries stimulate me. Sometimes im hyperactive, but boring lectures and heavy meals makes me somnolent. Once, i believed that accidentally ingesting seeds will transform me into a plant. So i ate some dalandan seeds, but nothing happened.
I believe that the most important things are learned through experience, but knowing the recognizable is very essential. I am insensitive, and sensitive and sometimes i realize things to soon or too late. Discipline is an art that i wanna master someday. I like bossa nova. Dishwalla keeps me sane. I like eating ice cream on the roof top while looking at the stars. When my imagination runs dry, i study. I contemplate endlessly.
My entire life is bloggable. I have bad habits that i wanna get rid of. I love my baby brother very much. I wanna travel someday. I collect postcards from coffee bean and tea leaf. i like watching madeleine and art attack. Repetitions bore me.
mardi, novembre 28, 2006
Gone with the Wind
"Its better to have nobody, than to have somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there then suddenly disappears."
I was born into a world that made me believe in the permanence of the fundamental things in life. According to Jean Piaget's stages of cognitive development http://www.learningandteaching.info/learning/piaget.htm , the first essential process in attaining functional cognition is the sensorimotor stage, attained from birth to 2 years of life. In this period, we learn how to differentiate ourselves from other objects, and realize that things continue to exist even when they are cannot be perceived by our senses. Clinicians test this developmental stage, by showing an object (eg. ball) to the patient and hides it after wards. Children, who have fully developed this stage, reacts by crying, or looking for the object that was hidden. Those who have problems with cognition or those who have not yet reached the age of maturity (2 years old), will not react in a negative way because they fail to perceive that something is missing.
I am now 24 years old, the golden age of abstract thinking. sameness. distortion. disengagement. I have learned that NOT all things are permanent. Some good things never last. Old habits die hard. People say that the only constant thing in this world is change. I disagree. Constancy is relative to our imagination. Change is too much of a word to comprehend.
I am heartbroken because I am growing old. Gone were the days that nothing else mattered to me, as long as im with my friends, playing, talking, watching tv. Now, I began to have this sense of being incomplete and I really hate it. Why do i have to meet someone who makes me feel whole? Making me believe that the world is mine and he is my world. Why did I ever have to attain that sense of sameness, only to find out after 22 years, that it will break me?
Like what ive said, i search of answers in bleak places.
One has to have something, before he can lose it. You can never lose something you never had. Maybe I had him once. Or i was made to believe that i had him. Whether i had him or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I should learn to let things pass, as if they won't stay long, or as if they won't stay at all.
"Its better to have nobody, than to have somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there then suddenly disappears."
I was born into a world that made me believe in the permanence of the fundamental things in life. According to Jean Piaget's stages of cognitive development http://www.learningandteaching.info/learning/piaget.htm , the first essential process in attaining functional cognition is the sensorimotor stage, attained from birth to 2 years of life. In this period, we learn how to differentiate ourselves from other objects, and realize that things continue to exist even when they are cannot be perceived by our senses. Clinicians test this developmental stage, by showing an object (eg. ball) to the patient and hides it after wards. Children, who have fully developed this stage, reacts by crying, or looking for the object that was hidden. Those who have problems with cognition or those who have not yet reached the age of maturity (2 years old), will not react in a negative way because they fail to perceive that something is missing.
I am now 24 years old, the golden age of abstract thinking. sameness. distortion. disengagement. I have learned that NOT all things are permanent. Some good things never last. Old habits die hard. People say that the only constant thing in this world is change. I disagree. Constancy is relative to our imagination. Change is too much of a word to comprehend.
I am heartbroken because I am growing old. Gone were the days that nothing else mattered to me, as long as im with my friends, playing, talking, watching tv. Now, I began to have this sense of being incomplete and I really hate it. Why do i have to meet someone who makes me feel whole? Making me believe that the world is mine and he is my world. Why did I ever have to attain that sense of sameness, only to find out after 22 years, that it will break me?
Like what ive said, i search of answers in bleak places.
One has to have something, before he can lose it. You can never lose something you never had. Maybe I had him once. Or i was made to believe that i had him. Whether i had him or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I should learn to let things pass, as if they won't stay long, or as if they won't stay at all.
jeudi, novembre 23, 2006
Salt and Drama.
We search for answers in bleak places.
What defines a good lecture is not the amount of information devulged, its when a lecture makes you remember. My thursday morning consists of the usual, a headstart with a 2-hour lecture, an hour of small group discussion and another hour of workshop. (and of course, cigarette sticks in between) There's nothing really unusal with my morning. I fell asleep in the first 20 mins, woke up up and pretended to listen. As i stared blankly into screen, his animated busy slides kinda reminded me of my med tech days. Sir Rabor lecturing on coupling of a monoiodotyrosine plus diiodotyrosine to form T3. Oh, the ordinary doesn't amaze me.
As my thoughts galloped from the lecture to the most mundane bloggables in life, I suddenly heard him (dr. san luis) say, "We only need a teaspoon of iodine to meet our lifetime requirement". Whoa, that simple statement jolted me back to reality. Even if we only need a teaspoon of iodine to last a lifetime, why are there so many patients with iodine deficiency? Its not scarcity of resources. Its because just like all the other (and more)essentials in life, we can't take it all just once, and remain worry free for a lifetime.
I search for answers in bleak places.
Just like hapiness. We can't just have it all at once, and last a life time not having to worry about it.
We search for answers in bleak places.
What defines a good lecture is not the amount of information devulged, its when a lecture makes you remember. My thursday morning consists of the usual, a headstart with a 2-hour lecture, an hour of small group discussion and another hour of workshop. (and of course, cigarette sticks in between) There's nothing really unusal with my morning. I fell asleep in the first 20 mins, woke up up and pretended to listen. As i stared blankly into screen, his animated busy slides kinda reminded me of my med tech days. Sir Rabor lecturing on coupling of a monoiodotyrosine plus diiodotyrosine to form T3. Oh, the ordinary doesn't amaze me.
As my thoughts galloped from the lecture to the most mundane bloggables in life, I suddenly heard him (dr. san luis) say, "We only need a teaspoon of iodine to meet our lifetime requirement". Whoa, that simple statement jolted me back to reality. Even if we only need a teaspoon of iodine to last a lifetime, why are there so many patients with iodine deficiency? Its not scarcity of resources. Its because just like all the other (and more)essentials in life, we can't take it all just once, and remain worry free for a lifetime.
I search for answers in bleak places.
Just like hapiness. We can't just have it all at once, and last a life time not having to worry about it.
mardi, novembre 14, 2006
This is a must-read. :-)
PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz, Ateneo de Manila University
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.
Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn't become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.
If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger.
It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.
But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.
PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz, Ateneo de Manila University
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.
Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn't become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.
If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger.
It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.
But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.
lundi, novembre 13, 2006
happy birthday to me! happy boitday 2 me! happy boitday happy boitday happy boitday to me hehehehe :) OMG im old. im a 24-year-old single, nulligravida. hehehe :) im spending my bday here at baangs with natalisms, nins, and james. waaaah its pretty hectic. anyways, just wanted to share with you guys that im not really a fan of celebrating my birthday. its more of a yearly evaluation of what happened to me. what changed, what remained, mistakes, and happy moments. i know im so corny but once in awhile we really have to evaluate ourselves.
im so surprised that so many people greeted my 12am :) im so touched coz i wasnt expecting some of my old friends to remember. thanks guys for making this day special. hehehe naks. drama mode.
anyways, its kinda toxic. last minute i found out that we have a report tom for urosurg. waaah! but on the brighter side, at least tapos na! hehehe neurology quiz awhile ago was a killer. i practically slept after i answered it. hehehe. i hope i passed. i slept half the time during ent. it was post prandial. hehehehe. really love sleeping after a full meal. buhay baboy. :)
well well well, tama ba naman magpatugtog ng senti songs dito. naku. im dead. i dont wanna remember. hay. i remember a movie that i really liked, "eternal sunshine on my spotless mind" hay sana meron talagang pangdelete ng memories. ASA. hehehe pero come to think of it, we have a selective memory. we remember those that matters, whether it makes us sad or happy. Roses are for remembering. i love flowers, but i like the smell of grass in the morning too. hay ang labo. this is so spontaneous. james n nins are chatting in front of me, theyre making their pedia history while im joggling thoughts in my head.
May narealize ako, the breeding ground for insanity is repeated thinking, which when done in soltitude brings about wisdom. Sanity is what makes people boring. its okay to be insane these days as long as we get a hold of ourselves.
i miss my childhood.
i wanna play badminton again despite my myalgias.
i have an addictive personality.
i find it hard to let go of my emotions.
i like crying alone.
but i also need a good hug.
im insane.
i love loving, even the pain it brings.
it makes me wiser, weaker and stonger at the same time.
ops tama na, im hungry. :)
im so surprised that so many people greeted my 12am :) im so touched coz i wasnt expecting some of my old friends to remember. thanks guys for making this day special. hehehe naks. drama mode.
anyways, its kinda toxic. last minute i found out that we have a report tom for urosurg. waaah! but on the brighter side, at least tapos na! hehehe neurology quiz awhile ago was a killer. i practically slept after i answered it. hehehe. i hope i passed. i slept half the time during ent. it was post prandial. hehehehe. really love sleeping after a full meal. buhay baboy. :)
well well well, tama ba naman magpatugtog ng senti songs dito. naku. im dead. i dont wanna remember. hay. i remember a movie that i really liked, "eternal sunshine on my spotless mind" hay sana meron talagang pangdelete ng memories. ASA. hehehe pero come to think of it, we have a selective memory. we remember those that matters, whether it makes us sad or happy. Roses are for remembering. i love flowers, but i like the smell of grass in the morning too. hay ang labo. this is so spontaneous. james n nins are chatting in front of me, theyre making their pedia history while im joggling thoughts in my head.
May narealize ako, the breeding ground for insanity is repeated thinking, which when done in soltitude brings about wisdom. Sanity is what makes people boring. its okay to be insane these days as long as we get a hold of ourselves.
i miss my childhood.
i wanna play badminton again despite my myalgias.
i have an addictive personality.
i find it hard to let go of my emotions.
i like crying alone.
but i also need a good hug.
im insane.
i love loving, even the pain it brings.
it makes me wiser, weaker and stonger at the same time.
ops tama na, im hungry. :)
mercredi, novembre 01, 2006
My japanese name is Nakamura (center of the village) Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
mardi, octobre 31, 2006
i was beaming as i was opening my newly purchased pack of cigarattes. although i've been trying to quit for a month now, i just couldn't help but crave for nicotine every now and then. I manuevered my hands skillfully to get a stick from my pack (ive got some style haha) and at this time i was still smiling, and then the unthinkable happened. flickr flickr flick flic fl my lighter isn't working!!!!!!!!! oh whatta frustrating moment. is this divine intervention? ho-hum. i paused to catch a breath, decided if im gonna give in. and yes, im a loser. i looked for a matches.
why am i so oral? i eat a LOT. i smoke a LOT.
i love thinking while im smoking. maybe thats one of the reasons why i find it hard to quit. Whenever i smoke, i seem to ponder about life, about my principles, about anything that matters...and even those that dont really matter.
top 7 things i love to do while smoking:
1. ponder
2. drink coffee
3. look at the smoke as it comes out of my mouth
4. watch people walk by
5. read a book
6. listen to dishwalla
7. imagine
why am i so oral? i eat a LOT. i smoke a LOT.
i love thinking while im smoking. maybe thats one of the reasons why i find it hard to quit. Whenever i smoke, i seem to ponder about life, about my principles, about anything that matters...and even those that dont really matter.
top 7 things i love to do while smoking:
1. ponder
2. drink coffee
3. look at the smoke as it comes out of my mouth
4. watch people walk by
5. read a book
6. listen to dishwalla
7. imagine
vendredi, octobre 20, 2006
is it possible to find someone who's world will only evolve entirely around you?
People have a tendency get clingy when they are in a relationship. Why? Probably because of object permanence or separation-anxiety. (go, kaplan!) Whatever the reason is, we have to get over that cycle of clinging to our boyfriends, lover, hot papa, s.o.'s, whatever love object you have. i realized that being in a relationship ,(take note: not being in love. these are two different things)is like holding grains of sand in your hand. If you squeeze you hands too tight, the sand will spill. If you open your hands, the wind will blow it away. But if we try to hold it steady in our hands, it will stay.
The difficulty lies in knowing that you're being to much of something, and having the courage to do something about it.
People have a tendency get clingy when they are in a relationship. Why? Probably because of object permanence or separation-anxiety. (go, kaplan!) Whatever the reason is, we have to get over that cycle of clinging to our boyfriends, lover, hot papa, s.o.'s, whatever love object you have. i realized that being in a relationship ,(take note: not being in love. these are two different things)is like holding grains of sand in your hand. If you squeeze you hands too tight, the sand will spill. If you open your hands, the wind will blow it away. But if we try to hold it steady in our hands, it will stay.
The difficulty lies in knowing that you're being to much of something, and having the courage to do something about it.
mercredi, septembre 20, 2006
vendredi, septembre 08, 2006
Drawn Out Lyrics
by Dishwalla
so the lines are lost
on the smallest details
of the life that we tossed
pushed out over the rail
and the wounds run deep
through the one man so bad
he's fallen beneath
the touch of your hand
and its all drawn out
there's nothing inside
and nothing to hold
nothing to find
its wearing' me out
this feeling inside
I'm all drawn out
and the promise we break it
and the reasons we fake it
bring us farther apart
from the love that we make
as the poisonous time
leaves us gasping for air
we run for the past
but were already there
and its all drawn out
there's nothing inside
and nothing to hold
nothing to find
and its wearing me out
this feeling inside
and its all drawn out
its all drawn out
I'm all drawn out
by Dishwalla
so the lines are lost
on the smallest details
of the life that we tossed
pushed out over the rail
and the wounds run deep
through the one man so bad
he's fallen beneath
the touch of your hand
and its all drawn out
there's nothing inside
and nothing to hold
nothing to find
its wearing' me out
this feeling inside
I'm all drawn out
and the promise we break it
and the reasons we fake it
bring us farther apart
from the love that we make
as the poisonous time
leaves us gasping for air
we run for the past
but were already there
and its all drawn out
there's nothing inside
and nothing to hold
nothing to find
and its wearing me out
this feeling inside
and its all drawn out
its all drawn out
I'm all drawn out
jeudi, août 17, 2006
If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you
Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized
I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray
We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized
We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way
I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides
We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you
Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized
I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray
We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized
We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way
I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides
We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized
mardi, août 15, 2006
St Therese's poem
May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in
the sun. It is there for each and every one of you.
May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in
the sun. It is there for each and every one of you.
samedi, août 05, 2006
What does it mean when u dream about the same person over and over again?
ive been dreaming about this person for quite sometime now and it bothers me why i dream about him. hmmmmmm... one of my friends analyzed it for me actually, and he told me that subconciously, he is my ideal guy. (NOT!) Oh well...it just so weird. i dreamt of him like 7 times already and its always in a situation wherein we are running away from something. The dream it really sweet, but the fact that its about him is so anti-climactic.
Anyway, ive been listening to Sade. Sobrang galing. wala lang. hehe. My thougts herniate whenever i hear "Kiss of Life". Love that song. haaaaaaaaaaaay so many things i wanna do, pero so little time. hay. good luck with prelims people.
ive been dreaming about this person for quite sometime now and it bothers me why i dream about him. hmmmmmm... one of my friends analyzed it for me actually, and he told me that subconciously, he is my ideal guy. (NOT!) Oh well...it just so weird. i dreamt of him like 7 times already and its always in a situation wherein we are running away from something. The dream it really sweet, but the fact that its about him is so anti-climactic.
Anyway, ive been listening to Sade. Sobrang galing. wala lang. hehe. My thougts herniate whenever i hear "Kiss of Life". Love that song. haaaaaaaaaaaay so many things i wanna do, pero so little time. hay. good luck with prelims people.
mercredi, juillet 19, 2006
Later in life you'll learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You'll learn that love doesnt mean leaning and company doesnt mean security.You begin to learn that kissess arent contracts and presents arent promises. You learn to build all your roads today for tomorrow's grounds is too uncertain for your plans. After awhile, you'll learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and secorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You'll learn that you can endure, that your strong and that you have worth.
jeudi, juillet 13, 2006
samedi, juillet 08, 2006
I was watching "The Notebook", when it suddenly hit me, why do these cheesy love stories make me somehow wish that someone will love me that way. But then i thought, am i not being loved with the same amount, yet the only thing that makes it different is the era?
We live in a fast-paced life, wherein a single click, a single second can change our lives drastically. Isn't it amazing how "i love you" became so easy to say, or even express? The phrase is even a cliche! Sometimes we feel that the other person doesn't mean it anymore, but in reality, we're just hoping for magnified expressions. Big enoough for us to notice. The ones that really require so much effort. But is it just that, love is still the same, yet its expression has evolved, or it is the fact that the meaning of love just evolved through time?
Love conquers all.
History dictates what love can do. Its either its something great, or something so terrible enough to lose our sanity. After watching the paperback that turned into film, the feeling of envy is still right beneath my head. But right now im realizing, is it really something to envy about? Is it our faults that technology has evolved, and has tremendously made expression so much easier?
Sometimes its so nice to live a simple life. A life wherein not all things evolve and exist for our convenience... The simple acts are the ones that mean so much. A cheesy card, your guy going to your house just to ask you if he could take you to dinner tomorrow, a bunch of flowers that's hand-picked. Expressions of love arent supposed to be disposable, just like a text msg in your fone that you can delete. Its something that should stick to our memories. Something done out of convenience. and i go back to what i said. Love conquers all.... it conquers the comforts of the world we live in right now. It doesnt have to be hard, but it has to be done with meaning.
We live in a fast-paced life, wherein a single click, a single second can change our lives drastically. Isn't it amazing how "i love you" became so easy to say, or even express? The phrase is even a cliche! Sometimes we feel that the other person doesn't mean it anymore, but in reality, we're just hoping for magnified expressions. Big enoough for us to notice. The ones that really require so much effort. But is it just that, love is still the same, yet its expression has evolved, or it is the fact that the meaning of love just evolved through time?
Love conquers all.
History dictates what love can do. Its either its something great, or something so terrible enough to lose our sanity. After watching the paperback that turned into film, the feeling of envy is still right beneath my head. But right now im realizing, is it really something to envy about? Is it our faults that technology has evolved, and has tremendously made expression so much easier?
Sometimes its so nice to live a simple life. A life wherein not all things evolve and exist for our convenience... The simple acts are the ones that mean so much. A cheesy card, your guy going to your house just to ask you if he could take you to dinner tomorrow, a bunch of flowers that's hand-picked. Expressions of love arent supposed to be disposable, just like a text msg in your fone that you can delete. Its something that should stick to our memories. Something done out of convenience. and i go back to what i said. Love conquers all.... it conquers the comforts of the world we live in right now. It doesnt have to be hard, but it has to be done with meaning.
lundi, juillet 03, 2006
my gawd this is such an eye-opener.
Being Twenty-Something...
Being Twenty-Something (This puts it all into words perfectly.) They call it the Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is
acceptable and what is not.
You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.
You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
Being Twenty-Something...
Being Twenty-Something (This puts it all into words perfectly.) They call it the Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is
acceptable and what is not.
You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.
You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
mercredi, juin 21, 2006
You know ive heard it said theres beauty in distorion
By some people who withdraw to find their head
And they say theres no humor in misfortune
No, i wonder if they'll laugh when i am dead
Why am i fighting to live
If im just living to fight
Why am i trying to see
When there aint nothing in sight
Why am i trying to give
When noone gives me a try
Why am i dying to live
If im just living to die
You know some people say that values are subjective
But theyre just speaking words
That someone else has said
And so they live and fight and kill with no objective
Sometimes its hard to tell the living from the dead
You know i used to weave
My words into confusion
And so i hope you'll understand me
When im through
You know i used to live my life as an illusion
But reality wil make my dream come true
So ill keep fighting to live
Till theres no reason to fight
And ill keep trying to see
Until the end is in sight
You know im trying to give
So come on
Give me a try
You know im dying to live
Until im ready to die
By some people who withdraw to find their head
And they say theres no humor in misfortune
No, i wonder if they'll laugh when i am dead
Why am i fighting to live
If im just living to fight
Why am i trying to see
When there aint nothing in sight
Why am i trying to give
When noone gives me a try
Why am i dying to live
If im just living to die
You know some people say that values are subjective
But theyre just speaking words
That someone else has said
And so they live and fight and kill with no objective
Sometimes its hard to tell the living from the dead
You know i used to weave
My words into confusion
And so i hope you'll understand me
When im through
You know i used to live my life as an illusion
But reality wil make my dream come true
So ill keep fighting to live
Till theres no reason to fight
And ill keep trying to see
Until the end is in sight
You know im trying to give
So come on
Give me a try
You know im dying to live
Until im ready to die
samedi, juin 03, 2006
SCHOOL STARTS SOON! some helpful tips to be a nerdy hehe
1. Your brain loves color. Use colored pens – good quality, not gel pens – or use colored paper. Color helps memory.
2. Your brain can effectively focus and concentrate for up to 25 minutes (adults). Take a 10-minute break after every 20-30 minutes of studying. Go do some chores: rake the lawn, iron a shirt, vacuum. Come back after 10 minutes and do another focused, intense session.
3. Your brain needs to be rested to learn fast and remember best. If you are tired take a 20-minute nap first otherwise you are wasting your study time.
4. Your brain is like a motor: it needs fuel. You wouldn’t put dirty fuel in your Lamborghini (if you had one) or you wouldn’t put low quality fuel in a rocket, would you? Well, your brain is a much more valuable, intricate machine than either of those so feed it properly. Junk food and imitation food and all the chemicals and preservatives weaken both your body and your mind. In fact, a recent study in England showed that your IQ is affected by your diet.
5. Your brain is like a sea of an electro-chemical activity. And both electricity and chemicals flow better in water. If you are dehydrated you just don’t focus as well. Drink enough water (colored liquids – pop, juice, coffee, etc. – are not the same). Often times headaches are connected to dehydration, too.
6. Your brain loves questions. When you come up with questions in class or when reading a book, your brain automatically searches for answers, making the learning faster. A good question has more than one answer.
7. Your brain and body have their own rhythm cycles: there are times during the day when you are more alert than others. You will save time learning if you study during your peak periods. If you have a part-time job that happens during your peak period you may wan to reconsider if it is wise to be giving your employer your best learning time.
8. Your brain and body communicate constantly. If your body is slouched down, the message the brain gets is that “this is not important” and so it doesn’t pay as close attention. In any learning situation, sit up and lean forward to help keep your mind alert. Buy a good quality, adjustable office chair.
9. Your brain is affected by smells. Use aromatherapy to keep your brain alert. Peppermint, lemon and cinnamon are good ones to experiment with.
10. Your brain needs oxygen. Get out there and exercise.
11. Your brain needs space. Be sure that you are not trying to study in a small cramped area.
12. Your brain needs your space to be organized. One recent study showed that kids who grow up in tidy, organized homes do better academically. Why? Because by being trained to organize the outside environment, the brain learns to organize the internal knowledge…which makes recall faster. Buy a 4-drawer legal-sized filing cabinet.
13. Your brain cells in the hippocampus, a part of the brain that deals with putting information from short-term to long-term memory, are destroyed by cortisol, which is created when you are stressed. So, yes, stress affects memory. How do you get rid of cortisol? Exercise.
14. Your brain doesn’t know what you can’t do until you tell it.
What are you telling it? Listen to your self-talk. Stop the negativity. Replace it with more positive, encouraging talk.
15. Your brain is like a muscle: it can be trained and strengthened, at any age. No excuses. Stop being a mental couch potato. Professional athletes practice every day; you can practice homework everyday. If “you don’t have any”, make some up for yourself. Read ahead, review…do SOMETHING.
16. Your brain needs repetition. It is better to do short frequent reviews than one long review because what counts is how many times your brain sees something, not how long is sees it in one sitting.
17. Your brain can understand faster than you can read. Use a pencil or finger to “lead” your eyes. By doing so you help your eyes move more quickly.
18. Your brain needs movement, especially if you are mostly a kinesthetic (body movement) learner instead of a visual or auditory learner. You might find your productivity go up if you have a standing desk. Buy one or make one by raising your desk/table on blocks. This allows you to move more easily and stay more alert.
19. Your brain seeks patterns and connections. When you are learning something, ask yourself, “What does this remind me of?” This will also help your memory because it connects the new knowledge to something you already know.
20. Your brain loves fun. We learn in direct proportion to how much fun we are having. Learning is life. Live it up!
1. Your brain loves color. Use colored pens – good quality, not gel pens – or use colored paper. Color helps memory.
2. Your brain can effectively focus and concentrate for up to 25 minutes (adults). Take a 10-minute break after every 20-30 minutes of studying. Go do some chores: rake the lawn, iron a shirt, vacuum. Come back after 10 minutes and do another focused, intense session.
3. Your brain needs to be rested to learn fast and remember best. If you are tired take a 20-minute nap first otherwise you are wasting your study time.
4. Your brain is like a motor: it needs fuel. You wouldn’t put dirty fuel in your Lamborghini (if you had one) or you wouldn’t put low quality fuel in a rocket, would you? Well, your brain is a much more valuable, intricate machine than either of those so feed it properly. Junk food and imitation food and all the chemicals and preservatives weaken both your body and your mind. In fact, a recent study in England showed that your IQ is affected by your diet.
5. Your brain is like a sea of an electro-chemical activity. And both electricity and chemicals flow better in water. If you are dehydrated you just don’t focus as well. Drink enough water (colored liquids – pop, juice, coffee, etc. – are not the same). Often times headaches are connected to dehydration, too.
6. Your brain loves questions. When you come up with questions in class or when reading a book, your brain automatically searches for answers, making the learning faster. A good question has more than one answer.
7. Your brain and body have their own rhythm cycles: there are times during the day when you are more alert than others. You will save time learning if you study during your peak periods. If you have a part-time job that happens during your peak period you may wan to reconsider if it is wise to be giving your employer your best learning time.
8. Your brain and body communicate constantly. If your body is slouched down, the message the brain gets is that “this is not important” and so it doesn’t pay as close attention. In any learning situation, sit up and lean forward to help keep your mind alert. Buy a good quality, adjustable office chair.
9. Your brain is affected by smells. Use aromatherapy to keep your brain alert. Peppermint, lemon and cinnamon are good ones to experiment with.
10. Your brain needs oxygen. Get out there and exercise.
11. Your brain needs space. Be sure that you are not trying to study in a small cramped area.
12. Your brain needs your space to be organized. One recent study showed that kids who grow up in tidy, organized homes do better academically. Why? Because by being trained to organize the outside environment, the brain learns to organize the internal knowledge…which makes recall faster. Buy a 4-drawer legal-sized filing cabinet.
13. Your brain cells in the hippocampus, a part of the brain that deals with putting information from short-term to long-term memory, are destroyed by cortisol, which is created when you are stressed. So, yes, stress affects memory. How do you get rid of cortisol? Exercise.
14. Your brain doesn’t know what you can’t do until you tell it.
What are you telling it? Listen to your self-talk. Stop the negativity. Replace it with more positive, encouraging talk.
15. Your brain is like a muscle: it can be trained and strengthened, at any age. No excuses. Stop being a mental couch potato. Professional athletes practice every day; you can practice homework everyday. If “you don’t have any”, make some up for yourself. Read ahead, review…do SOMETHING.
16. Your brain needs repetition. It is better to do short frequent reviews than one long review because what counts is how many times your brain sees something, not how long is sees it in one sitting.
17. Your brain can understand faster than you can read. Use a pencil or finger to “lead” your eyes. By doing so you help your eyes move more quickly.
18. Your brain needs movement, especially if you are mostly a kinesthetic (body movement) learner instead of a visual or auditory learner. You might find your productivity go up if you have a standing desk. Buy one or make one by raising your desk/table on blocks. This allows you to move more easily and stay more alert.
19. Your brain seeks patterns and connections. When you are learning something, ask yourself, “What does this remind me of?” This will also help your memory because it connects the new knowledge to something you already know.
20. Your brain loves fun. We learn in direct proportion to how much fun we are having. Learning is life. Live it up!
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