Lesson learned.

Not everything is worth fighting for. There are certain events/people in our lives that are worth letting go.

Need i say more?

Tonight I can write the saddest lines
by: Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

a flower asked the sun, "shine for me like you always do, and everything's gonna be fine".
The sun, being a lover of the flower, obeyed. And He shined even through the night. The next day, the sun saw the flower dead. Too much killed her lover.

Too much is not enough. Maybe a little is.
Ive had enough.

" Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Pass Time.
No.
Time passes.

Most of my thoughts
are kept in shoeboxes.
Neatly folded.
Tucked.
Stapled.

Why think thoughts that have been thought of?
The art of association is simple.
It is deciphering dissocations that's complicated.

Dont think, i think.
I saw.
And then
there it was.

He was motionless
behind the windows
i hide myself,
i cover him bleakly
How can i move?
when he will no longer feel nor see.

Time is up.
Its been beyond
picking up pieces of broken glass
is easy when youve done it more than once.

Didnt you know
that your breath
is a mist in my pain?

Give it up.
Its moving.
Im moving.
Drifting away
like the leaves of a fallen day.

Pick up the grains of sand,
that had dusted my miles of longing
Don't you want to blink?
And lose a moment's thought

The wind has kissed my hair,
a million times that you haven't,
yet all remembrance comes
from that one time you did.

My soul embraces that tiny part of me
that you thought you have,
yet it yearns for your hand
in so many ways you'll never know

How can i bloom a midsummer's love
when we are lost in our worlds?

Once, a poor number
that sparks abound my memory.
We lose time, yet only to gain
that of that once.

All love stories are the same. It gives you that momentarily surprise wherein the world stops, and all the flowers seem to smell good, the wind seems to dance with your hair and the sun seems to kiss your skin. But, love ruins everything. Its that certain feeling that most people confuse themselves with.

Why do we want to fall in love again despite knowing that its all the same?

Because its in that single moment, we become human. We feel more. We stop living our lives that only happens during holidays, or on the weekends. We live more. We seem to get more out of life.

And when its over,

All love stories will be the same.

It stemmed from the winds of a lifetime of emotions
Of wine glasses and ashes of doubts.

Emptied farewells from yesterday,
thoughts i have long engraved in the stars.

the trails of footsteps on my rooftop are finally gone.

Kisses from the sun, comfort from the rain.
My coffee's nearly cold.

And then, i wouldn't have to say,
All love stories are the same.

pulchritudinous.

i dont know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go.
its like we're scared to lose what we dont have. some of us say we'd rather have
that something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is. having it half-way is
harder than not having at all.

"Day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel? To be always together, yet forever apart?"
- The Notebook, Nicolas Sparks


To realize the limits of the word "together" is indeed, crucial.

"All that a girl needs, is one guy who would be man enough to prove to her, that not all men are the same" - text from bien (lesli's bro)

My first reaction is, yes, true true. But after a gamut of thoughts that entered my mind, (blame it on the pei pa kwa hard candy!) i dont think that, that should be the case. That statement might have been made by a brokenhearted lady who's experienced god knows how many breakups that she NEEDS SOMEONE to PROVE to her that all those tears and nights of longing are worth it. damn. ang weak naman nun. since when did we live in a world wherein, each breath we take its a point proven?

Truth is, we are in a world thats entirely imperfect and we have to live with it. We must grow out of the fairytales, and happy endings that entertained our immature minds. We must accept that life is difficult, so that it will no longer become difficult. That we live in a world wherein its easier to tell lies, than to tell the truth, and that only a few are brave enough to handle the former. That we can have a thousand drinking buddies, people to hangout with, but we will end up with a few people when we are asphyxiated with life's problems. That pain is not uncommon. That we will love, give out everything we have, and in the end we will have our hearts broken. And that we owe it to ourselves to mend it, without needing that knight in shining armor will come and save us from the pain.

YES, the truth is, WE HAVE TO MEND OUR OWN BROKEN SELVES.

That's the hard part about growing up. You do it on your own. You don't wait for someone to prove to you that its not gonna happen again. COZ IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. We will get hurt again, we will cry again, and its up to us how to handle it.

We do not have to live in the shadow of another person's mistakes. I guess the best thing we can do is to do good, and try to avoid hurting anyone. so point of the story is, wag kumain ng pei pak kwa candy. Mali, wag pala magisip habang kumakain ng pei pak kwa candy. :)

its one summer night and i find myself giggling over the lyrics of "one fine day", sang by The chiffons, here goes..

One fine day
You'll look at me
And you will know
Our love was meant to be
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl

The arms I long for
Will open wide
And you'll be proud
To have me by your side
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl

(Bridge:)
Though I know you're the kind of boy
Who only wants to run around
I'll keep waiting and someday, darling
You'll come to me
When you want to settle down, oh

One fine day
We'll meet once more
And then you'll want
The love you threw away before
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl

---

*giggles*double giggles*

just that imagination that somebody will sing me that song is entirely heartwarming.
haaaaaaaay, i really am a romantic (not entirely a hopeless one) or i guess im just bored.
Rica, kasalanan mo to hehehe anyways, its been long since i blogged something bloggeable.
haha. that word is found in my dictionary.

i have long fancied myself in a restaurant in europe, (cool noh? it really has to be in europe!)
having breakfast, reading a book. oh and i am wearing a skirt and pointed flats, and then i smell
something nice,that of mixed dewdrop on grass and fresh tea leaves (someone's gonna laugh reading this)
, and then that fresh scent distracts me from eating my apple pie and i turn my head to see someone,
holding fresh flowers. :)

oh noh im giggling again.

being single isnt really that bad :D when you have imagination hihihihihi bleh.

"Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." -- Albert Einstein

Indeed.

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for you
If you go, if you go
Leaving me here on my own
Well I wait for you

dew drops
on an embellished flower.
innocent and naive.
trickling down beneath the folds,
opens it a little.

more.
give me some more.

Haunted

Night is a mirror
My soul flew far,
far away.

Creeping echoes of my silence
bathed my memories
of you

My slumber longs to stop
Im awake, Daylight.
I am the same.

All about me

Rainy days delight me. Draws out some emotions in my closet. I like analyzing complications. Mediocrity is for the bored and dull. Simple things make me smile. Nice shoes. Ice cream. Stars. Flowers. the smell of morning grass (without manure). sea shells. pigs.a nice cup of coffee. jelly ace. full moon. foiliage. I get thrilled when im at powerbooks. I fancy having a mansion with a nice lawn and garden. It has a big comfy bench wherein i will spend sunday mornings reading books with someone I love.

Failure and incompetence frustratesme. I overcompensate. I enjoy conversations, both intellectual and stupid ones. I like giving surprises and receiving them as well. Discoveries stimulate me. Sometimes im hyperactive, but boring lectures and heavy meals makes me somnolent. Once, i believed that accidentally ingesting seeds will transform me into a plant. So i ate some dalandan seeds, but nothing happened.

I believe that the most important things are learned through experience, but knowing the recognizable is very essential. I am insensitive, and sensitive and sometimes i realize things to soon or too late. Discipline is an art that i wanna master someday. I like bossa nova. Dishwalla keeps me sane. I like eating ice cream on the roof top while looking at the stars. When my imagination runs dry, i study. I contemplate endlessly.

My entire life is bloggable. I have bad habits that i wanna get rid of. I love my baby brother very much. I wanna travel someday. I collect postcards from coffee bean and tea leaf. i like watching madeleine and art attack. Repetitions bore me.

Gone with the Wind

"Its better to have nobody, than to have somebody who is half yours, half there or doesn't want to be there, or is there then suddenly disappears."

I was born into a world that made me believe in the permanence of the fundamental things in life. According to Jean Piaget's stages of cognitive development http://www.learningandteaching.info/learning/piaget.htm , the first essential process in attaining functional cognition is the sensorimotor stage, attained from birth to 2 years of life. In this period, we learn how to differentiate ourselves from other objects, and realize that things continue to exist even when they are cannot be perceived by our senses. Clinicians test this developmental stage, by showing an object (eg. ball) to the patient and hides it after wards. Children, who have fully developed this stage, reacts by crying, or looking for the object that was hidden. Those who have problems with cognition or those who have not yet reached the age of maturity (2 years old), will not react in a negative way because they fail to perceive that something is missing.

I am now 24 years old, the golden age of abstract thinking. sameness. distortion. disengagement. I have learned that NOT all things are permanent. Some good things never last. Old habits die hard. People say that the only constant thing in this world is change. I disagree. Constancy is relative to our imagination. Change is too much of a word to comprehend.

I am heartbroken because I am growing old. Gone were the days that nothing else mattered to me, as long as im with my friends, playing, talking, watching tv. Now, I began to have this sense of being incomplete and I really hate it. Why do i have to meet someone who makes me feel whole? Making me believe that the world is mine and he is my world. Why did I ever have to attain that sense of sameness, only to find out after 22 years, that it will break me?

Like what ive said, i search of answers in bleak places.

One has to have something, before he can lose it. You can never lose something you never had. Maybe I had him once. Or i was made to believe that i had him. Whether i had him or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I should learn to let things pass, as if they won't stay long, or as if they won't stay at all.

Salt and Drama.

We search for answers in bleak places.

What defines a good lecture is not the amount of information devulged, its when a lecture makes you remember. My thursday morning consists of the usual, a headstart with a 2-hour lecture, an hour of small group discussion and another hour of workshop. (and of course, cigarette sticks in between) There's nothing really unusal with my morning. I fell asleep in the first 20 mins, woke up up and pretended to listen. As i stared blankly into screen, his animated busy slides kinda reminded me of my med tech days. Sir Rabor lecturing on coupling of a monoiodotyrosine plus diiodotyrosine to form T3. Oh, the ordinary doesn't amaze me.

As my thoughts galloped from the lecture to the most mundane bloggables in life, I suddenly heard him (dr. san luis) say, "We only need a teaspoon of iodine to meet our lifetime requirement". Whoa, that simple statement jolted me back to reality. Even if we only need a teaspoon of iodine to last a lifetime, why are there so many patients with iodine deficiency? Its not scarcity of resources. Its because just like all the other (and more)essentials in life, we can't take it all just once, and remain worry free for a lifetime.

I search for answers in bleak places.

Just like hapiness. We can't just have it all at once, and last a life time not having to worry about it.